Post by Tomas Luger on Jul 3, 2008 4:47:09 GMT -5
A rock skitters across the cart-path, sending a swirl of dust to the air as it comes to a rest.
Suddenly a dirty, bare child’s foot, protruding from a goat pant leg, comes swinging into view and the camera pans back slightly to show Humphries trudging along glumly, kicking a rock along as he goes.
The camera shoots past Humphries shoulder some ways and around a bend to reveal Alexis completely berating a rum swilling Tomas Luger.
Alexis: Christ, Luger! Didn’t you sell those shirts to that vendor like a month ago?
TL: Hey, to be fair-I donated those shirts for him to sell and then I’d square up when he sold them.
Alexis: So we just stole back our own shirts from someone that didn’t even pay us any money, for said shirts, and then shot said shirts out of a rented shirt shooting gun, which set us back even more, only to not make any money but look like complete fools doing it!
Luger pauses in the road, and flashes his rock star grin.
TL: Look at it this way-At least we won’t get arrested and locked in the stocks for stealing.
The Hardcore Assassin takes a big swill of rum and continues merrily on his way down the cart path, sort of searching for Humphries in the distance as he goes.
Alexis: No, Tomas, there is no bright side to this. We’re in the hole, and since I’m a stripper and Humphries is a kid I think that means that you’re gonna have to find some real work-
TL: Pffft! Unlikely. I’m a common scumbag, no one would hire me. Besides, I’m too pretty for manual labor.
Alexis: You ain’t that pretty, honey-
TL: Man, that little goat panted bastard is fast-
Alexis: Pay attention! We’ve got to come up with some cash, quick-
TL: Relax, will yah? This crime circus we have here will come together, you just have to give it time. John Bay will tell yah, organized crime is hard work.
Alexis: Until then-
TL: Until then, I’m working sort of in the underground bar fighting scene. You know, I work the crowd for a while, talk around, see if anyone would put money on a fight between me and some random patron. Usually by the time I’ve got enough money, some drunk bastard’s dumb enough to ask if I’ll fight him and there you go.
Alexis: And you do alright at this, bar fighting?
TL: Well, Katu was my first-
Alexis: Ugh!!
Alexis jumps on Tomas Luger’s back and nearly tackles him, and worse yet, he nearly dropped his rum bottle.
Zoom back up the path a bit and we see Humphries sitting on the side of the path, in the shade, playing his fife. It’s a jaunty toon, that Humphries finishes with a sigh. He tucks his fife into a pocket on his goat pants and puts his head in his hands and mopes.
Humphries: I don’t know what went wrong. Tomas told me specifically to grab the large black bag from the back of clothing shop. I don’t think there was any other black bags, and certainly none this size.
Humphries looks down at the beanbag style black canvas bag that is about two thirds full of shirts, each shirt with a Tomas Luger patch sewn onto it.
Humphries: I remember Tomas telling me about these shirts, but I figured it was something he’d made up when he was drunk-
Humphries hops off the bag and pulls out a shirt and spreads it out wide, admiring the crappy quality Tomas Luger patch sewn onto it.
Humphries: He’d told me of these “Sweet shirts” that’d “Save our credibility”. I didn’t know what that last part was all about, but these are sweet shirts. He’d said that he’d dreamed about a talking devil with wings that showed him some shirts that he had to steal, but they were supposed to be other people’s shirts. We were supposed to steal shirts from Kingpin, and Andy Christ, and Tommy O’Malley and Jahmon Rastafari, a couple of others.
Humphries puts on the sweet Tomas Luger patched tunic, which is about four sizes too big and hangs down to his knees and way over his hands. He begins struggling to crawl out of the shirt-
Humphries: Anyway, I couldn’t have stolen the wrong shirts, I couldn’t have. Frank Stinknatra was there with me, but he was urinating on the side of the building-
Humphries stops dead in his tracks and drops the shirt to the ground.-
Humphries: Fiddlesticks! We left Frank behind! I gotta warn Tomas-
Humphries takes off at a dead sprint back up the path, leaving the bag of shirts on the side of the road.
Shoot past Humphries and back up to where Tomas is guzzling and sloshing booze all over himself with one hand and trying to fight off Alexis, who is just trying to fight, with the other.
TL: Will you settle down! You wanna blame someone, blame Humphries for stealing the wrong shirts. My plan worked perfectly as far as I’m concerned, all things considered.
Not a moment too soon, Humphries comes running into the scene.
Luger ditches his empty bottle and tries to adjust to “look respectable”.
Alexis softens up and stops trying to beat the crap out of Tomas, for the moment anyway.
TL: Hey, we were just talking about you, and the fine quality of work you do buddy!
Alexis backhands Luger.
Alexis: Not now-
Humphries: Tomas! Tomas! *gasp*-
Humphries bends over, gasping for breath.
TL: Where’s the shirts?
Humphries: We left...Frank...Stinknatra...back there...the mob...Frank....
TL: Where the hell is my bag of shirts?!
Alexis backhands Luger again.
TL: Woman-
Humphries: Forget the shirts! We’ve gotta go back and get Frank! Leave no man behind, right?
TL: Fool, we don’t have a motto, but if we did it’d be something like, “Good luck suckah!” Or “Sorry for the sucker punch!”.
Alexis: Humpy, Frank’s gonna be fine. He’s a drunk, and they can’t feel pain-
TL: Boy, if anyone steals one of my shirts-
Alexis backhands Luger yet again.
Alexis: You just gave a bunch away for free, what do you care?
TL: It’s the principal of the matter Lex-
Humphries: So are we not concerned about Frank?
TL: Hell no! You people are free, we’ll just replace Frank...
Luger stops and has that “I just had an epic thought” look of awe on his face.
Alexis: “You people”?! What the hell does that mean?!
Humphries: If we replace Frank, can he not smell as bad or pull his thing out in public?
TL: Stripper, adolescent child. We are going to set up open auditions for my Rabble of Dangerous Miscreants!
to be continued...
Suddenly a dirty, bare child’s foot, protruding from a goat pant leg, comes swinging into view and the camera pans back slightly to show Humphries trudging along glumly, kicking a rock along as he goes.
The camera shoots past Humphries shoulder some ways and around a bend to reveal Alexis completely berating a rum swilling Tomas Luger.
Alexis: Christ, Luger! Didn’t you sell those shirts to that vendor like a month ago?
TL: Hey, to be fair-I donated those shirts for him to sell and then I’d square up when he sold them.
Alexis: So we just stole back our own shirts from someone that didn’t even pay us any money, for said shirts, and then shot said shirts out of a rented shirt shooting gun, which set us back even more, only to not make any money but look like complete fools doing it!
Luger pauses in the road, and flashes his rock star grin.
TL: Look at it this way-At least we won’t get arrested and locked in the stocks for stealing.
The Hardcore Assassin takes a big swill of rum and continues merrily on his way down the cart path, sort of searching for Humphries in the distance as he goes.
Alexis: No, Tomas, there is no bright side to this. We’re in the hole, and since I’m a stripper and Humphries is a kid I think that means that you’re gonna have to find some real work-
TL: Pffft! Unlikely. I’m a common scumbag, no one would hire me. Besides, I’m too pretty for manual labor.
Alexis: You ain’t that pretty, honey-
TL: Man, that little goat panted bastard is fast-
Alexis: Pay attention! We’ve got to come up with some cash, quick-
TL: Relax, will yah? This crime circus we have here will come together, you just have to give it time. John Bay will tell yah, organized crime is hard work.
Alexis: Until then-
TL: Until then, I’m working sort of in the underground bar fighting scene. You know, I work the crowd for a while, talk around, see if anyone would put money on a fight between me and some random patron. Usually by the time I’ve got enough money, some drunk bastard’s dumb enough to ask if I’ll fight him and there you go.
Alexis: And you do alright at this, bar fighting?
TL: Well, Katu was my first-
Alexis: Ugh!!
Alexis jumps on Tomas Luger’s back and nearly tackles him, and worse yet, he nearly dropped his rum bottle.
Zoom back up the path a bit and we see Humphries sitting on the side of the path, in the shade, playing his fife. It’s a jaunty toon, that Humphries finishes with a sigh. He tucks his fife into a pocket on his goat pants and puts his head in his hands and mopes.
Humphries: I don’t know what went wrong. Tomas told me specifically to grab the large black bag from the back of clothing shop. I don’t think there was any other black bags, and certainly none this size.
Humphries looks down at the beanbag style black canvas bag that is about two thirds full of shirts, each shirt with a Tomas Luger patch sewn onto it.
Humphries: I remember Tomas telling me about these shirts, but I figured it was something he’d made up when he was drunk-
Humphries hops off the bag and pulls out a shirt and spreads it out wide, admiring the crappy quality Tomas Luger patch sewn onto it.
Humphries: He’d told me of these “Sweet shirts” that’d “Save our credibility”. I didn’t know what that last part was all about, but these are sweet shirts. He’d said that he’d dreamed about a talking devil with wings that showed him some shirts that he had to steal, but they were supposed to be other people’s shirts. We were supposed to steal shirts from Kingpin, and Andy Christ, and Tommy O’Malley and Jahmon Rastafari, a couple of others.
Humphries puts on the sweet Tomas Luger patched tunic, which is about four sizes too big and hangs down to his knees and way over his hands. He begins struggling to crawl out of the shirt-
Humphries: Anyway, I couldn’t have stolen the wrong shirts, I couldn’t have. Frank Stinknatra was there with me, but he was urinating on the side of the building-
Humphries stops dead in his tracks and drops the shirt to the ground.-
Humphries: Fiddlesticks! We left Frank behind! I gotta warn Tomas-
Humphries takes off at a dead sprint back up the path, leaving the bag of shirts on the side of the road.
Shoot past Humphries and back up to where Tomas is guzzling and sloshing booze all over himself with one hand and trying to fight off Alexis, who is just trying to fight, with the other.
TL: Will you settle down! You wanna blame someone, blame Humphries for stealing the wrong shirts. My plan worked perfectly as far as I’m concerned, all things considered.
Not a moment too soon, Humphries comes running into the scene.
Luger ditches his empty bottle and tries to adjust to “look respectable”.
Alexis softens up and stops trying to beat the crap out of Tomas, for the moment anyway.
TL: Hey, we were just talking about you, and the fine quality of work you do buddy!
Alexis backhands Luger.
Alexis: Not now-
Humphries: Tomas! Tomas! *gasp*-
Humphries bends over, gasping for breath.
TL: Where’s the shirts?
Humphries: We left...Frank...Stinknatra...back there...the mob...Frank....
TL: Where the hell is my bag of shirts?!
Alexis backhands Luger again.
TL: Woman-
Humphries: Forget the shirts! We’ve gotta go back and get Frank! Leave no man behind, right?
TL: Fool, we don’t have a motto, but if we did it’d be something like, “Good luck suckah!” Or “Sorry for the sucker punch!”.
Alexis: Humpy, Frank’s gonna be fine. He’s a drunk, and they can’t feel pain-
TL: Boy, if anyone steals one of my shirts-
Alexis backhands Luger yet again.
Alexis: You just gave a bunch away for free, what do you care?
TL: It’s the principal of the matter Lex-
Humphries: So are we not concerned about Frank?
TL: Hell no! You people are free, we’ll just replace Frank...
Luger stops and has that “I just had an epic thought” look of awe on his face.
Alexis: “You people”?! What the hell does that mean?!
Humphries: If we replace Frank, can he not smell as bad or pull his thing out in public?
TL: Stripper, adolescent child. We are going to set up open auditions for my Rabble of Dangerous Miscreants!
to be continued...