Interview with Greatness

[Colt Crawford]

October 7, 2009
Lexington, Kentucky
Office Lounge Somewhere

The location is not a familiar one and nothing close to anything that we would expect from Colt Crawford. The building is very professional, yet there are no employees any where in the area. The only person visible in the room is Colt Crawford, who is far from dressed for the appearance. He is sitting in a chair with a pair of worn out blue jeans and an old t-shirt from his high school football days. He seems to be waiting impatiently as he checks his Blackberry, when finally a knock is heard on the door.

Colt: About damn time, come on in.

The door creaks open and TWD Reporter Aimee Miller walks in with her notebook and pen in tow. She walks over to the empty seat next to Colt and plops down in it.

Colt: You look exhausted.

Aimee: You are on the tenth floor and the elevator is out of commission for the day, so I had to take the stairs. So to say I am exhausted is an understatement.

Colt: That sucks for you, good thing I have the employee elevator to bring me up here. I really didn’t think they would actually be working on the elevator today. I know the memo said today, but you know how inaccurate those things can be.

Aimee: You know the elevator may be down, and didn’t tell me about an alternate elevator?

Colt: You needed to exercise, don’t want a fat TWD reporter. It is not good for the marketing of the company.

Aimee: You as….

Colt: Can we please get on with this interview? You are already ten minutes late.

Aimee: The stairs…

Colt: No excuse. They are all like assholes, especially yours.

Aimee: Colt, next week you have a chance that very few people have been given. You have a shot at the World Title on Showdown what are your thoughts about the match and your opponent?

Colt: Up until this point many people have not had a chance to compete for the World Title, mostly because none of them have earned it. You see I have been given this golden opportunity because I proved to the Moderators what an asset I am to the TWD and proved to them that I am the right man to take the World Title off that worthless wannabe who currently holds it.

Aimee: If you are the “Chosen One” then why did the Moderators put in the 24/7 rule for the World Title as another outlet to get Marcus to lose the title.

Colt: Jealousy Aimee, pure jealousy. That is the main cause of truly worthy men not winning World Title matches. The Moderators knew that there was an extremely jealous feline out there that would probably try and stick his nose into my match, and just in case he was able to cost me the match the Moderators needed a plan B. Not to worry, however, because plan A will work out according to plan and then the 24/7 rule will be no more. We can’t have undeserving people getting a free shot at the World Title just because they caught me with my pants down. If that begins happening then people like Saber could be World Champion and we all know the disaster that would cause.

Aimee: Marcus T has had some strong words to say about you and this match this week. He also seems to have kind of former relationship with your now former partner.

Colt: I don’t really care about Saber and Marcus’ past relationship; whatever happens in California apparently doesn’t stay there. As for Marcus and his strong words, that is all they are Miss Aimee, is words. If the World Title went to the person with the biggest mouth and best use of analogies, then I would forfeit now and let Marcus keep the belt. Thankful it doesn’t and actually depends on skill and talent, something I have tons of and something Marcus is still looking under his racecar bed for. I will admit Marcus has been as hot as a hooker’s crotch lately, but I am just the ointment necessary to cool him down.

Aimee: Speaking of Saber it was apparent to the whole TWD viewing audience that your partnership is now officially over. Just wanted to thoughts or comments…

Colt: I think that I waited to damn long to do it. Saber was more then a small thorn in my side, he was more like a whole bush. I carried him to the tag team titles and how does he thank me? He taps out to a weak finish just seconds away from me saving his ass again. I should have finished what I started at Showdown, but Saber’s saver had to step in and distract me for a second. Never the less the day will come shortly where Saber who put his foot in his mouth and try to challenge me. And ever so calmly I will accept, walk into the ring with him, and give him a short but sweet lesson inside the ring. A lesson I promise he will not forget, no matter how hard he tries. And there is not a single Clark that can stop that from happening.

Aimee: On to the subject of Brian Clark, I am sure he has not had to kind of words to say to you.

Colt: Couldn’t tell you.

Aimee: Excuse me?

Colt: I don’t know what he has to say, I threw the phone he gave me in the river and went back to using my old one for which he doesn’t have the number. He probably has been trying to find me, but I have decided to crash here a couple of nights until I figure all of this contract stuff out legally.

Aimee: Are you telling me that you are trying to get out of your TWD contract?

Colt: I am not telling you anything Miss Aimee, what I am saying is that I can not have a self centered ass like Brian Clark following me around all the time and trying to shine through my spotlight. Call it shaving the fat. Saber is already laying there licking his wounds and his litter buddy will soon be joining him. The TWD is about to become witness to the next Great Thing, the emergence of the true Colt Crawford, the Icon in the making.

Aimee: One more question before I let you go. In your recent promos you have been visited by a guest that has yet to be revealed to the TWD audience, care to shed some light on that?

Colt: You don’t hear me asking you how much you charge do you? No, so don’t worry about my private life. However, I am sure if you would like to take a turn I can arrange that.

Aimee: No thank you pig!

Colt: That is okay, I would have probably had to get tested afterwards anyways. Now if you will excuse me I have some business to tend to before I leave Kentucky and head for Showdown.

Aimee: That is fine, would you please show me the elevator that you used since the other one isn’t working.

Colt: I can show it to you, but you can’t use it. Employees only remember, besides the steps will do you good. The descend will firm that jell-o ass of yours.

Colt holds the door to the room open as Aimee Miller storms off in disgust at what she has just been put through.

October 9th, 2009
Nashville, Tennessee
Holiday Inn Room 123

As seems to be the norm for a pre-match looking in with Colt Crawford, we once again find him lying in a hotel room not to far from where next weeks Showdown will take place. The room has a different feel to it this time around, most noticeably the king size bed and the second, pink, suitcase.

This is what it feels like to not have to carry a load

Almost eccentric

Saber can lick his wounds

And try to draw all his attention towards Kingpin

But deep down it is killing him

He knows he was had by the best

His ego that he has grown has to an enormous hit

His only chance of winning TWD gold again is now gone

His future is blurry

Hell he may not even have one in the TWD

Can’t speak for the UWA, don’t know the chumps there

I am sure he has ran crying the Brian

And Brian has given him a couple saucers of milk

Neither milk nor vodka could ease the pain

The feeling of knowing that your life sucks again

Knowing that the greatest thing you had going for you

Finally decided he had enough of this cruel joke

Saber’s career is crashing harder than the stock market

He is up shits creek without a paddle

He is drowning without a life jacked

I can do this analogy shit to Marcus

You aren’t the only rap master in the TWD

However, you are the only one that looks like a fool doing it

NEWS ALERT

Tupac is Dead

And so is your wannabe act

You should be proud of your recent success

But who have you honestly beat

Eno and Kingpin

Impressive…maybe

If I worked with them for the past several years I would have an inside scouting report too

Jahmon….ha

Been there beat that punk

BKI Finalist Tommy O’Malley

Again been there beat that punk a couple of times

I am still waiting for an impressive laundry list

However, it is just not available for checkout

You may have one the BKI

But I wasn’t there

So it wasn’t a true challenge for you

It is time to throw out all your accomplishments

And focus on the new challenge that will be standing in front of you

And towering over you

Your words may impress the idiot fans

Hell they may impress some of the idiot wrestlers

Saber

They don’t impress me

Mr. Bad Boy your P. Daddy days are over

Colt is the next Great Thing

And I am Holier Than Thou!!!

With the lights still on we hear the door open and a woman jet quickly into the bathroom, but not before we can get a glance of her dark hair…from the back.