Trick or Treats

[Colt Crawford]

October 31st, 2009
Lexington, Kentucky
Colt Crawford’s House

Just a few minutes into the trick or treating time in Lexington we see Colt Crawford sitting on his red rocker on the front porch of his home. In the spirit of the holiday he is dressed up as Zeus the god of war. Sitting next to him is another figure dressed up as cat woman, in a very skimpy and tight black suit along with a black mask covering her face.

Colt: I am surprised you were willing to do this with me. Especially with you attempting to be unnoticed and all lately.

Woman: Halloween always for even the dark in the night to show their faces, well not exactly their faces, but at least to be out in view of the public.

Colt: Not afraid anyone will recognize you?

Woman: If they do they would not be dumb enough to blow the cover. And if they are then I am sure you can handle them the right way.

A group of kids walk up to the porch. One is dressed as Spider-Man, the other a Lego, and the third as a football player.

Kids: Trick or Treat

Colt: I choose Trick!

Colt grabs a couple of water balloons out of the bucket next to him and throws it at the feet of the kids. They all scream and run back down the porch to their dad. The not too happy dad walks up to the porch to confront Colt who has stood up from his chair to met the man at the stairs.

Dad: That was a pretty asshole thing to do.

Colt: The kids gave me the option of trick or treat, not my problem they didn’t like what choice I made.

Dad: If you don’t like kids then why the hell do you even bother leaving your light on? I am sure the neighborhood kids would not mind walking right past your house.

Colt: I never said I don’t like kids; I just like to have fun with them. If they can handle the fun that I give them then I have a nice treat for them.

Colt reaches into another bucket he has on the porch and pulls out four extra large candy bars and hands them to the dad.

Colt: I even gave one for you. Sometimes you need to take the fun that comes with the day and not get your panties in a bunch so easy.

The dad walks back down the stairs and hands the kids the candy bars that all look ecstatic. He then looks at his candy bar and begins to unwrap it and turns back to Colt and the woman.

Dad: Fair is fair, I chose treat.

The dad breaks the bar in pieces and begins throwing them back at Colt and the woman. Colt is too stunned to react and takes a piece square in the side of the head. Before he can react the dad and the three kids have already took off down the street away from Colt’s house.

Colt: That son of a bi…

Woman: He got the better of you there. Looks like you got out smarted at our own game.

Colt: I will give credit where it is due, but we will have to see if I can figure out where he lives and make a little toilet paper visit.

The next group of kids walks up to Colt’s house. In this group there is He-Man, a Wonder Woman, a Tiger, and a Napoleon Dynamite.

Colt: What an interesting bunch we have here.

Kids: Trick or treat!

Colt: Well this time around I choose…

Woman: He chooses treat.

The masked cat woman hands each kid a XL candy bar and pats them on their way. Colt, staring dumbfounded, walks back to his rocker and just looks over at her.

Woman: I couldn’t stand watching you get hit in the face with another set of candy bars. Besides I have a soft spot in my heart for H-Man.

Colt: You actually watched that show growing up?

Woman: I was a huge fan, I am sorry did you even know about that show growing up? I figured you were in the Power Ranger age.

Colt: Nothing wrong with the Power Rangers, especially not the white one! Besides was He-Man even on television when you were young enough to enjoy it? Beyond that was there even television when you were young enough to enjoy it?

Woman: Make more jokes about the age, we will see who looks like the old person later on. Speaking of later on, you feel prepared for you match against Saber?

Colt: Yea, I punched a couple of pieces of paper and kicked a few garbage cans so I think I did enough training to beat him.

Woman: Colt, you really discounting Saber?

Colt: Nah, I know the little tyke will come out like a ball full of rage, hell I would be pissed to if I knew my former partner was great and I wasn’t it. But like all light flames they can be easily exhausted with a simple few moves and little bit of patience.

Woman: What about the technical advantage he has over you?

Colt: He can’t get to technical if I am throwing him around like a rag doll. So he can get on the mat and do a better suplex then me, yea for him. I am bigger, stronger, and more dangerous than him and he won’t stand a chance toe to toe with me.

Woman: I don’t know about your ego sometimes. There is no question in my mind that you are the more talented wrestler with the brighter future, but sometimes I wish you would just worry a little more so you don’t get caught in your words.

Colt: If I worried a little more, than I am giving my opponent a reason to believe that I believe that they could beat me, wish is not the case and never will be. I know I can beat everyone I step into the ring with, proved it last week against the “best”. If I wanted to stay and finish off Marcus I could have, but I choose to go after Saber because that little tick was annoying the hell out of me. And now I finally get another chance to rip the little ticks head off. This time he can’t run away, and this time I can drag his lifeless body all around the ring, hell I have to in order to win.

Woman: Something about the arrogance you possess is what keeps me around.

Colt: Well that and the stallion, but that is another story. I almost forgot I have a little surprise for you that I have been dying to show you.

Woman: I love surprises, go ahead and give it to me.

Colt: Hold on, I need to wait until the trick or treater comes dressed as Saber.

Woman: How do you know some kid is going to show up dressed up like Saber? The TWD is nationwide, but that doesn’t mean a kid is going to idolize a wrestler so much they dress up like him for Halloween, especially a wrestler such as Saber.

Colt: Trust me he will show.

On cue a small kid, actually the kid is not a kid at all, but a midget walks up the stairs to where Colt and the woman are sitting.

Woman: How much did this cost you?

Colt: Just about a hundred. You would be amazed at the going rate for the vertically challenged. I guess everyone has been affected by the recession.

Miniature Saber: Trick or Treat Gorilla Man

Colt: How special you even have the lingo down. For this situation I choose treat for you my special friend, but not a treat for you.

Colt turns towards the woman and motions his hand towards the other side of the house.

Colt: This treat is for your viewing pleasure.

Another midget comes running from the other side of the yard, this time dressed as Colt and about two inches taller than the midget Saber. Midget Saber tries to run, but his little legs cannot get away from midget Colt who clotheslines him from behind. Midget Colt picks midget Saber up above his head and slams him down on the grass. Midget Colt continues to beat down midget Saber as loud chuckles can be heard coming from Colt and the Cat Woman.

Colt: Aww nothing like a good midget fight on Halloween to make the day that much more exciting.

Woman: You are just wrong, hilarious, but wrong. I don’t know about you, but I have had enough of this trick or treating crap. I am going to go inside and poor myself a drink. And then I am going to get the Jacuzzi tub loaded up with bubbles and get in, and I would prefer not to be alone.

Colt: Let me gather my thoughts for a minute and then I will be right in.

The woman gets out of her chair and heads into the house. Colt continues to rock back and forth as he watches the midgets continue to fight.

That is just hilarious

I don’t care how political incorrect it is

Midgets fighting are just fun to watch

As much fun as it is though

It will be a lot more fun watching myself beat up Saber

Saber, you tried everything to knock me down

Hell you even tried stealing my girlfriend

But as you can see I have moved on

Hell I moved on before you took her, but that is another story

You attempted to knock me down when you lost the tag titles

And when I say you lost, I mean you

I never quit, I am not that type of person

You cost me a chance to win the Champions case

But yet I still earned a World Title Match

No matter what you try to do to me

I still get up

And look better than I did before

So you have talked to Jerome

I am sure he doesn’t quite look the same

But he wants you to add a little extra for him

Be my guest, you will probably need the extra

Why not a little extra for Brian too

And Mitchell and Jason

Maybe Scott and Squirt too

Hell, just take a little extra for the whole damn School

Even that won’t help you in the ring with me

When he are tied together by the bull rope

With a cow bell in the middle

You will have nowhere to turn

Except to stare me directly in the eyes

Noticing the hatred that I possess for you

Noticing how much I would not care

If I was the reason you never wrestled again

As you stare you will realize

The damage I am capable of committing

With not only the bull rope between us

But also my bare hands

As I am dragging your lifeless body from post to post

You may contemplate getting up and stopping me

But for you healthy and safety, I wouldn’t suggest it

Hell, if you want to ever have anything of a wrestling career

I would suggest just walking willingly with me to each post

But since I know you have some pride

I would start checking your diplomas

And figuring out what other career you are going to have

My clock is ticking

And it is almost time for Armageddon

You say you have been waiting for this

Not as much as I have

See you soon

Sweetheart

Colt sees a group of kids coming towards his house and throws the rest of his candy bars towards them. They start running after the loose candy, as does all the other kids in the neighborhood, but before they can get to it Midget Colt runs in and grabs majority of it up.