Post by Eno Redrum on Jan 3, 2010 11:14:07 GMT -5
I get so tired of people talking about how bad their day is. Like their day is so much worse than the millions and millions, billions and billions and trillions and trillions of people in the world.
What comes after Trillion? Who knows? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, now I remember.
If you think your day is going badly, listen to these stories that I found when I couldn't find any Rob Blondie porn the other night. You may feel a little better about your day after reading.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.
She told them.
They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL you think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
If I haven't convinced you that your day is not as bad as you think, let me share this last bit of information with you.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could be from Australia which sounds oh-so pretty, but is nothing more than a desert island stuck out in the middle of ass nowhere and inhabitied by snakes, spiders and a bunch of sensless kangaroos. Oh sounds like so much fun.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could be married to a woman who has the personality of a paste. Not to mention the complextion of paste as well. I swear, she has to be the hitest woman in all of Australia. If Crayola were to launch a new box of crayons, their white crayon would now be called Jamie's Wife White.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could have a child that has nothing to look forward to in this world. A child who's daddy has more tattoos than the love child of Rob Zombie and Henry Rollins. A child that will more than likely end up making her living shaking her ass and itty-bitty titties for a dollar a dance. A younggirl that will end up with 2 kids from 3 diffeernt daddy's and developes a coke habit after she becomes a TWD groupie and has been passed around the TWD locker room before she finally ends up being a side note in the "Dragzilla Freak Show."
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
A man so full of himself that he eagerly chooses to overlook me and the mission I am on. A man that claims I am a joke yet fails to realize that although I may be a joke, he will soon become my punchline.
A man that chooses to disassociate himself from the entire TWD roster and thinks that he will be able to waltz in here and leave when he decides and leave unmarked.
A man that reveals in the fact that he is the champion and the 31 contender and speaks of a match with himself against himself. Hmm, and some call me gay while Jamie wants to play with himself while the entire world watches. And I'm the freak.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
A man that after Showdown will have to look up and see my hand raised in victory and who will immediately have to cash in his little #1 Contender's purse for a shot to earn back what i will take from him.
See, you're day isn't as bad as you all thought it was now is it?
Kiss, kiss!
What comes after Trillion? Who knows? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, now I remember.
If you think your day is going badly, listen to these stories that I found when I couldn't find any Rob Blondie porn the other night. You may feel a little better about your day after reading.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.
She told them.
They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL you think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
If I haven't convinced you that your day is not as bad as you think, let me share this last bit of information with you.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could be from Australia which sounds oh-so pretty, but is nothing more than a desert island stuck out in the middle of ass nowhere and inhabitied by snakes, spiders and a bunch of sensless kangaroos. Oh sounds like so much fun.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could be married to a woman who has the personality of a paste. Not to mention the complextion of paste as well. I swear, she has to be the hitest woman in all of Australia. If Crayola were to launch a new box of crayons, their white crayon would now be called Jamie's Wife White.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
You could have a child that has nothing to look forward to in this world. A child who's daddy has more tattoos than the love child of Rob Zombie and Henry Rollins. A child that will more than likely end up making her living shaking her ass and itty-bitty titties for a dollar a dance. A younggirl that will end up with 2 kids from 3 diffeernt daddy's and developes a coke habit after she becomes a TWD groupie and has been passed around the TWD locker room before she finally ends up being a side note in the "Dragzilla Freak Show."
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
A man so full of himself that he eagerly chooses to overlook me and the mission I am on. A man that claims I am a joke yet fails to realize that although I may be a joke, he will soon become my punchline.
A man that chooses to disassociate himself from the entire TWD roster and thinks that he will be able to waltz in here and leave when he decides and leave unmarked.
A man that reveals in the fact that he is the champion and the 31 contender and speaks of a match with himself against himself. Hmm, and some call me gay while Jamie wants to play with himself while the entire world watches. And I'm the freak.
You could be Jamie Krenshaw.
A man that after Showdown will have to look up and see my hand raised in victory and who will immediately have to cash in his little #1 Contender's purse for a shot to earn back what i will take from him.
See, you're day isn't as bad as you all thought it was now is it?
Kiss, kiss!
