Post by Tomas Luger on Aug 15, 2008 5:59:20 GMT -5
You see only a still frame of Tomas Luger reaching through the ropes as a stage hand is placing a steel chair in the sweaty palms of the Champion of the Masses. Suddenly it springs to life, as if someone hit play on the DVD remote.
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Gary Yahtz: And Andy looks like he’s busted open already.
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Gary Yahtz: And Andy looks like he’s busted open already.
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
In the background a door is opened and closed and the camera widens out and pans left to see Andrei Karishnikov walk into a desolate situation.
Garbage is strewn about the hotel room. Pizza boxes, several McDonald’s bags and containers, fast food cups, porno magazines, dildos, tin containers, broken furniture.
And huddled in the corner is Tomas Luger, sitting three inches from a thirteen inch television. Andrei shakes his head and walks over to the pitiful creature with the DVD remote in his hand.
Gary Yahtz: And Andy Christ looks like he’s busted open already.
AK: How we doin Tom?
TL: Did you see me lay out that creepy bastard? Diddja? I wanted to take off his head but I suppose those stitches he recieved will suffice-
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
AK: I haven’t heard from you since you left the hospital after Showdown! last week. How’s your head?
TL: Fine, small concussion but no broken bones. Doctor said I should pull out from the BKI, take a couple weeks off, but fuck him-
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Andrei looks down with great empathy in his eyes at his deranged friend. He reaches over and shuts off the TV. Tomas just continues to stare at the screen and press the buttons on the DVD remote with almost robot like timing.
TL: Diddja see all that blood that I spilt from that piece of shit’s forehead? Diddja? I should’ve killed him.
Andrei maneuvers behind Luger and, grabbing him under the arms, picks him up and drags him toward the bathroom.
AK: You smell awful buddy, when was the last time you showered?
TL: I dunno, before Showdown! last week. I can’t shower, I have to live in that highlight forever. I got Andy X-Mas real good didn’t I? So much blood, God it was great-
AK: C’mon, we’re gonna get you in the shower and maybe take you out for dinner. Did you know that you have like fourty five voice mails?
TL: I bet Andy X-Mas will think twice before he fucks with me again. Diddja see me smash that chair right into his face? I should’ve swung harder-
Andrei drags Luger into the shower and shuts the door. After a few minutes pass, The Angel King emerges and the sounds of a shower can be heard in the background. Karishnikov wades through the mess and into the kitchen, where Luger’s phone is sitting with a dead battery on the counter. He digs a phone charger out of a nearby duffel bag and plugs in the phone. He flips it open and goes to mail.
YOU HAVE 56 NEW MESSAGES.
Karishnikov presses play and holds the phone up to his ear.
”Hey buddy, it’s King-“
Message deleted.
”Tomas, it’s Andrei. You’ve got-“
Message deleted.
Andrei skips ahead to the last message.
”Tom, it’s Lex. Humphries is worried sick about you. We haven’t heard from you in like five days and, well, God Dammit I’m just gonna lay it out for you. You’ve ran up a huge hotel bill and they want money from me. I don’t have any money because you’ve spent it all on doctor bills and porno this month. You need to come up with some money in a hurry or else we’re all gonna be out on our ass. I’m sending Andrei to deal with you because I might just kill you if I see you. Feel better, or at least well enough to get back to work. Call me.”
AK: Shit-
Andrei puts down Luger’s phone and flips open his own. After shuffling through his contact list he presses send and waits for the answer.
AK: Hey Cherise, is Alex in? Thanks.
Karishnikov waits while “Cherise” gets “Alex” on the line.
AK: Hey Alex, it’s Andrei Karishnikov...Fine, fine...Hey, how’d that procedure go for your cousin?...Yeah?...Glad I could help out with that...Say, I need to ask a huge favor of you, but it’s really an opportunity for the both of us...I was wondering if you could fit Tomas Luger on the next show and in return I could probably boost your fan base by getting you a public appearance on the Wrestling Domain Pay Per View....I understand, and that’s why I really need your help on this....I see...uh-huh...right....Sounds beautiful...Then we have a deal?...Great!...Yeah, I’ll call you with all the details once they’re hashed out....Thanks Alex....Bye.
Andrei hangs up the phone just in time to catch Tomas Luger emerging from the steamy shower. He’s wearing a towel over his bottom half, thankfully, and towel drying his hair with a more different towel.
AK: How ya feelin?
TL: Like shit.
Luger looks around the ravaged hotel room.
TL: Is this me?
Andrei nods solemnly.
TL: Damn. I can’t believe I let Andy Christmas Ham get to me so much. I should’ve killed that molester when I had the chance-
AK: Don’t start that again. Listen, I’ve got to catch up with Alexis and let her know I’ve got things under control here. You look like hell, you probably ought to try to get some sleep or at least some crack or meth or something.
TL: Hmmm, meth or sleep. Meth or sleep. It’s really a tough call. What did you mean by having things “under control”?
AK: Alexis left you a voice mail, and the long and short of it is you are tapped out, somehow, and in need of some cash flow. I’ve got it under control by calling in a favor, a big one at that. You owe me now and part of that is getting some rest while I try to calm down your lesbian, stripper, friend.
TL: Wow, did you know that it’s cheaper to buy porn than it is to order it from the hotel. I only figured that out after ordering like seventeen movies. Fool me once-
AK: Something like that. I’m gonna go pay off some tabs, you need to get your shit together. Next Friday is a big day for you, and you need to hit the books.
TL: What?
AK: Sleep first, answers later. No more porn.
TL: I’ve got a pretty good imagination. Hmmmm, Britney Clark naked...that ought to do the trick.
AK: Careful, my friend. I’m not that forgiving.
TL: I’d have to picture you naked too, which is more like jerking off with tears and vomit. Not my favorite lube-
AK: You’re sick. I’m outta here. You may want to let housekeeping in eventually too.
TL: Got it. Thanks, Andrei-
AK: Anytime.
The two men almost hug, but think better of it and settle for a half naked hand shake. Andrei waves, smiles and shuffles out the door, leaving a garbage walking trail in his wake. Luger smiles as he looks at the fine mess he’s caused and brightens even more when his eye catches his cell phone.
Luger tip toes across the floor, trying not to step in trash or sex toys and finally arrives at his cell. He flips it open.
YOU HAVE 53 NEW MESSAGES.
TL: Christ sake-
Luger shuffles through the messages and settles on one from Humphries.
”Hey Tom! Hope you’re feeling better! When you get the message I thought you might like to know that you’re not eliminated from the Brent Kersh Invitational. You’re set up in a triple threat match against Andy Christ and Tommy O’Malley. I’m pretty nervous. O’Malley is ranked number one in the federation and is last year’s winner. I hope you feel better soon, because you really need to hit the gym and get ready for this match. Not to mention Andy Christ...OH!...Frank may have found a job cleaning car windows. Alexis is making us all look for work because we’re apparently poor now. I dunno what I’m gonna do, but I’ll think of something. Get better!”
TL: Wow, imagine that. I’m still in the BKI. And here I thought that Mr. Martin was going to screw me out of this bitch again. I suppose I need to make it to the second round first, get my hopes up before they get dashed. At least I’m still in it. Hmmm, wonder what else we have-
The Champion of the Masses continues to scroll through the messages and his face crinkles as he stops on one from “The Texas Crazyhorse” Justin York.
TL: Wonder what this little underling has to say-
”Luger, it’s York. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you lately but you need to call me. I want to get together and figure out what kind of shit we’ve got planned for Juggernaut ENT this week. Also, I put our names into the Tag Team Battle Royal. Your ass better not let me down, Chump. Get back to me.
TL: Chump, that’s my God damned word. God, I hate this little worm. Oh, Juggs!
Luger picks up a porno mag and heads toward the bedroom of the suite, closing the door behind him.
What the hell is going on? Stay tuned!
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Gary Yahtz: And Andy looks like he’s busted open already.
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Gary Yahtz: And Andy looks like he’s busted open already.
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
In the background a door is opened and closed and the camera widens out and pans left to see Andrei Karishnikov walk into a desolate situation.
Garbage is strewn about the hotel room. Pizza boxes, several McDonald’s bags and containers, fast food cups, porno magazines, dildos, tin containers, broken furniture.
And huddled in the corner is Tomas Luger, sitting three inches from a thirteen inch television. Andrei shakes his head and walks over to the pitiful creature with the DVD remote in his hand.
Gary Yahtz: And Andy Christ looks like he’s busted open already.
AK: How we doin Tom?
TL: Did you see me lay out that creepy bastard? Diddja? I wanted to take off his head but I suppose those stitches he recieved will suffice-
Pause. Rewind. Pause. Play.
AK: I haven’t heard from you since you left the hospital after Showdown! last week. How’s your head?
TL: Fine, small concussion but no broken bones. Doctor said I should pull out from the BKI, take a couple weeks off, but fuck him-
Bib Brady: Luger reaches through the ropes as a stage assistant hands him up a chair. Luger turns to sit-NO!!! HE INSTEAD RUNS AND BRINGS THE METAL DOWN ON ANDY CHRIST’S HEAD!!!
Andrei looks down with great empathy in his eyes at his deranged friend. He reaches over and shuts off the TV. Tomas just continues to stare at the screen and press the buttons on the DVD remote with almost robot like timing.
TL: Diddja see all that blood that I spilt from that piece of shit’s forehead? Diddja? I should’ve killed him.
Andrei maneuvers behind Luger and, grabbing him under the arms, picks him up and drags him toward the bathroom.
AK: You smell awful buddy, when was the last time you showered?
TL: I dunno, before Showdown! last week. I can’t shower, I have to live in that highlight forever. I got Andy X-Mas real good didn’t I? So much blood, God it was great-
AK: C’mon, we’re gonna get you in the shower and maybe take you out for dinner. Did you know that you have like fourty five voice mails?
TL: I bet Andy X-Mas will think twice before he fucks with me again. Diddja see me smash that chair right into his face? I should’ve swung harder-
Andrei drags Luger into the shower and shuts the door. After a few minutes pass, The Angel King emerges and the sounds of a shower can be heard in the background. Karishnikov wades through the mess and into the kitchen, where Luger’s phone is sitting with a dead battery on the counter. He digs a phone charger out of a nearby duffel bag and plugs in the phone. He flips it open and goes to mail.
YOU HAVE 56 NEW MESSAGES.
Karishnikov presses play and holds the phone up to his ear.
”Hey buddy, it’s King-“
Message deleted.
”Tomas, it’s Andrei. You’ve got-“
Message deleted.
Andrei skips ahead to the last message.
”Tom, it’s Lex. Humphries is worried sick about you. We haven’t heard from you in like five days and, well, God Dammit I’m just gonna lay it out for you. You’ve ran up a huge hotel bill and they want money from me. I don’t have any money because you’ve spent it all on doctor bills and porno this month. You need to come up with some money in a hurry or else we’re all gonna be out on our ass. I’m sending Andrei to deal with you because I might just kill you if I see you. Feel better, or at least well enough to get back to work. Call me.”
AK: Shit-
Andrei puts down Luger’s phone and flips open his own. After shuffling through his contact list he presses send and waits for the answer.
AK: Hey Cherise, is Alex in? Thanks.
Karishnikov waits while “Cherise” gets “Alex” on the line.
AK: Hey Alex, it’s Andrei Karishnikov...Fine, fine...Hey, how’d that procedure go for your cousin?...Yeah?...Glad I could help out with that...Say, I need to ask a huge favor of you, but it’s really an opportunity for the both of us...I was wondering if you could fit Tomas Luger on the next show and in return I could probably boost your fan base by getting you a public appearance on the Wrestling Domain Pay Per View....I understand, and that’s why I really need your help on this....I see...uh-huh...right....Sounds beautiful...Then we have a deal?...Great!...Yeah, I’ll call you with all the details once they’re hashed out....Thanks Alex....Bye.
Andrei hangs up the phone just in time to catch Tomas Luger emerging from the steamy shower. He’s wearing a towel over his bottom half, thankfully, and towel drying his hair with a more different towel.
AK: How ya feelin?
TL: Like shit.
Luger looks around the ravaged hotel room.
TL: Is this me?
Andrei nods solemnly.
TL: Damn. I can’t believe I let Andy Christmas Ham get to me so much. I should’ve killed that molester when I had the chance-
AK: Don’t start that again. Listen, I’ve got to catch up with Alexis and let her know I’ve got things under control here. You look like hell, you probably ought to try to get some sleep or at least some crack or meth or something.
TL: Hmmm, meth or sleep. Meth or sleep. It’s really a tough call. What did you mean by having things “under control”?
AK: Alexis left you a voice mail, and the long and short of it is you are tapped out, somehow, and in need of some cash flow. I’ve got it under control by calling in a favor, a big one at that. You owe me now and part of that is getting some rest while I try to calm down your lesbian, stripper, friend.
TL: Wow, did you know that it’s cheaper to buy porn than it is to order it from the hotel. I only figured that out after ordering like seventeen movies. Fool me once-
AK: Something like that. I’m gonna go pay off some tabs, you need to get your shit together. Next Friday is a big day for you, and you need to hit the books.
TL: What?
AK: Sleep first, answers later. No more porn.
TL: I’ve got a pretty good imagination. Hmmmm, Britney Clark naked...that ought to do the trick.
AK: Careful, my friend. I’m not that forgiving.
TL: I’d have to picture you naked too, which is more like jerking off with tears and vomit. Not my favorite lube-
AK: You’re sick. I’m outta here. You may want to let housekeeping in eventually too.
TL: Got it. Thanks, Andrei-
AK: Anytime.
The two men almost hug, but think better of it and settle for a half naked hand shake. Andrei waves, smiles and shuffles out the door, leaving a garbage walking trail in his wake. Luger smiles as he looks at the fine mess he’s caused and brightens even more when his eye catches his cell phone.
Luger tip toes across the floor, trying not to step in trash or sex toys and finally arrives at his cell. He flips it open.
YOU HAVE 53 NEW MESSAGES.
TL: Christ sake-
Luger shuffles through the messages and settles on one from Humphries.
”Hey Tom! Hope you’re feeling better! When you get the message I thought you might like to know that you’re not eliminated from the Brent Kersh Invitational. You’re set up in a triple threat match against Andy Christ and Tommy O’Malley. I’m pretty nervous. O’Malley is ranked number one in the federation and is last year’s winner. I hope you feel better soon, because you really need to hit the gym and get ready for this match. Not to mention Andy Christ...OH!...Frank may have found a job cleaning car windows. Alexis is making us all look for work because we’re apparently poor now. I dunno what I’m gonna do, but I’ll think of something. Get better!”
TL: Wow, imagine that. I’m still in the BKI. And here I thought that Mr. Martin was going to screw me out of this bitch again. I suppose I need to make it to the second round first, get my hopes up before they get dashed. At least I’m still in it. Hmmm, wonder what else we have-
The Champion of the Masses continues to scroll through the messages and his face crinkles as he stops on one from “The Texas Crazyhorse” Justin York.
TL: Wonder what this little underling has to say-
”Luger, it’s York. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you lately but you need to call me. I want to get together and figure out what kind of shit we’ve got planned for Juggernaut ENT this week. Also, I put our names into the Tag Team Battle Royal. Your ass better not let me down, Chump. Get back to me.
TL: Chump, that’s my God damned word. God, I hate this little worm. Oh, Juggs!
Luger picks up a porno mag and heads toward the bedroom of the suite, closing the door behind him.
What the hell is going on? Stay tuned!