Post by Eno Redrum on Aug 23, 2008 8:01:18 GMT -5
Announcer: From the people at Juggernaut ENT that brought you sensless bullshit products like "Dragzilla Sings The Hits," "JENT Equis XXX," and "Shaka Sho'Nuff the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX's Very Merry OJ Simpson Christmas" here is another absolutely worthless product for all you idiots out there with too much money on your hands. Oh and thank God it doesn't have a long name lke that Shaka shit.
Now to tell you all about his/her new product is the very strange but loveable Dragzilla.
Dragzilla: Are you tired of women?
Fed up with their "girly" ways?
Not sexually attracted to them?
We at JENT have the solution for you.
Try. . . BEING GAY!
Being gay is an excellent way of remaining sexually active while not involving the opposite sex. Doctors even recommend beging gay for anyone who is not. . . straight.
If you are a man over or under the age of 60 and have never or no longer enjoy shoving your STUFF into a MUFF, then being gay is just what you need.
If your penis remains MUSHY around the PUSSY. . .
If down goes the LEAVER when you see the BEAVER. . .
Gives us a call at the number that the delictable Desmond "the Sexxx Symbol" Baggs will give you at the end of this infomercial.
This guy here is not gay.
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Nigga what?!
Dragzilla: Do you want to be like him?
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Bitch please. I am the pimp daddy who drives the pussy Caddy. Women love me and young nigga wanna be me. I got the cock that rocks the ghetto block. Fuck you Dragzilla, you gay-ass pole smoking fairy from Russia. Go suck Massa Kingpin's flesh Twinkee and see how long it takes you to get to the cream filling. Bitch!
Dragzilla: I didn't think so, so be gay today.
And although being gay doesn't cost anything, you'll get a full refund if you are not satisfied.
And if you pick up the phone now, we will give you a free can of red kidney beans. It has nothing to do with being gay, it's just that we messed up an order and now we have all these cans of tem and don't know what to do with them so. . . we'll give them to YOU!
It's fun.
It's easy.
And it doesn't cost anything!
Call now! Gay operators are standing by to take your call and get you started down your personal path of being gay.
You have absolutely nothing to lose.
Nothing to lose!
Except for your hetrosexuality.
Be gay!
Today!
Desmond: Mmmm, so call today at the sexxy number 900-429-2329. Mmmm, that's 900-GAY-2DAY. Just $19.99 to get started with a surcharge of $19.99 per minute for the phone call. Make sure not to ask your parent's permission, especially your father. father's seem to go ape shit when you tell them you are going gay.
And don't forget the lovely Dragzilla's motto: "Once you go gay, hode the sausge in the bun is the game you will play!
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Gay ass mutha fuckas! Go suck a dick. . . Wait, you bitches would like that wouldn't you?! Fuck this bullshit, I am outta here. And for the record, I AIN"T GAY! They just paid me some serious cash to be the straight guy in this fucked up commercial.
Announcer: So be gay today by calling 900-429-2329 for just $19.99 a minute. That's 900-GAY-2DAY. Or send wellfare check, money order, food stamps or straight up cash to GAY TODAY. P.O. Box 6969 Dallas, TX 75287.
Dragzilla: And be sure to tune into the TWD PPV as myself and the dark and mysterious Andy Christ team up in the tag-team division to bring you the newest and hottest tag-team, "Creatures of the Night." We are prepared to scratch eyes and kick people in the balls to get our hands on the tag-team belts.
We even have dark and sexy intro music by Marilyn Manson, "The Beautiful people" which you all know describes myself and Andy perrrrfectly.
Kiss-kiss!
Now to tell you all about his/her new product is the very strange but loveable Dragzilla.
Dragzilla: Are you tired of women?
Fed up with their "girly" ways?
Not sexually attracted to them?
We at JENT have the solution for you.
Try. . . BEING GAY!
Being gay is an excellent way of remaining sexually active while not involving the opposite sex. Doctors even recommend beging gay for anyone who is not. . . straight.
If you are a man over or under the age of 60 and have never or no longer enjoy shoving your STUFF into a MUFF, then being gay is just what you need.
If your penis remains MUSHY around the PUSSY. . .
If down goes the LEAVER when you see the BEAVER. . .
Gives us a call at the number that the delictable Desmond "the Sexxx Symbol" Baggs will give you at the end of this infomercial.
This guy here is not gay.
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Nigga what?!
Dragzilla: Do you want to be like him?
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Bitch please. I am the pimp daddy who drives the pussy Caddy. Women love me and young nigga wanna be me. I got the cock that rocks the ghetto block. Fuck you Dragzilla, you gay-ass pole smoking fairy from Russia. Go suck Massa Kingpin's flesh Twinkee and see how long it takes you to get to the cream filling. Bitch!
Dragzilla: I didn't think so, so be gay today.
And although being gay doesn't cost anything, you'll get a full refund if you are not satisfied.
And if you pick up the phone now, we will give you a free can of red kidney beans. It has nothing to do with being gay, it's just that we messed up an order and now we have all these cans of tem and don't know what to do with them so. . . we'll give them to YOU!
It's fun.
It's easy.
And it doesn't cost anything!
Call now! Gay operators are standing by to take your call and get you started down your personal path of being gay.
You have absolutely nothing to lose.
Nothing to lose!
Except for your hetrosexuality.
Be gay!
Today!
Desmond: Mmmm, so call today at the sexxy number 900-429-2329. Mmmm, that's 900-GAY-2DAY. Just $19.99 to get started with a surcharge of $19.99 per minute for the phone call. Make sure not to ask your parent's permission, especially your father. father's seem to go ape shit when you tell them you are going gay.
And don't forget the lovely Dragzilla's motto: "Once you go gay, hode the sausge in the bun is the game you will play!
Shaka Sho'Nuff: Gay ass mutha fuckas! Go suck a dick. . . Wait, you bitches would like that wouldn't you?! Fuck this bullshit, I am outta here. And for the record, I AIN"T GAY! They just paid me some serious cash to be the straight guy in this fucked up commercial.
Announcer: So be gay today by calling 900-429-2329 for just $19.99 a minute. That's 900-GAY-2DAY. Or send wellfare check, money order, food stamps or straight up cash to GAY TODAY. P.O. Box 6969 Dallas, TX 75287.
Dragzilla: And be sure to tune into the TWD PPV as myself and the dark and mysterious Andy Christ team up in the tag-team division to bring you the newest and hottest tag-team, "Creatures of the Night." We are prepared to scratch eyes and kick people in the balls to get our hands on the tag-team belts.
We even have dark and sexy intro music by Marilyn Manson, "The Beautiful people" which you all know describes myself and Andy perrrrfectly.
Kiss-kiss!
