Post by Tomas Luger on Sept 12, 2008 22:57:53 GMT -5
The digital display on the clock reads a bright, red 3:37 a.m. A nice hour for that creamy, dreamy sleep you can only get when you drink too much rum and coke the night before.
Pan out and we see someone sleeping in a bed, next to the night table this time machine sits on. This someone is sleeping in those cute pajamas with the feet and cuddled up with a Care Bear. Lucky Bear, to be precise.
Tighten in to see the Champion of the Masses drooling just a bit and half smiling while dreaming about chasing cars or something, one arm clutching his teddy.
Such a peaceful scene...
Alexis: I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!
The serenity is disturbed when Alexis comes screaming like a banshee into the room, jumping on Luger and choking him awake.
Moments later Humphries comes running into Tomas’ room, in matching “feetie” jammies and flips on the light. He runs over to the bed and manages to drag Alexis off of Luger, though he can’t manage to extinguish the fire raging in her eyes.
Luger sits up and wipes the spit from the side of his face, still unsure of what the hell just happened.
TL: What time is it?
Alexis: Time for you to explain why I’m just getting home from the club to find the four hundred dollars I saved missing.
Alexis shakes free from Humphries grasp and just stands over the foot of the bed, hands on hips, ready to kill if need be.
TL: What were you doing at the club, Lex, if we don’t have any money?
Alexis: I was taking my clothes off for scumbags like you so that we can eat this week. I swear to God, Tomas, if you don’t produce my money like magic I’ll cut your damned nuts off-
Luger sits up and begins wiping the sleep from his eyes and looks at the clock.
TL: Dammit, Lex. I needed the cash to buy these sick feeted pajamas for me and Humphries. Whaddya think?
Humphries does the “spin” move as he models the pjs for the very angry woman.
Alexis: This has gone on far enough. I’m leaving this house. I’m leaving The Rabble. I’m leaving you, Tomas Luger.
Alexis turns to storm out of the room, but quicker than imagined, the former Original King of Wrestling jumps to his feet and cuts her off at the door. He puts his arm around her and leads her to the bed. She shakes free from under Luger’s arm-
Alexis: Uh-uh, Luger, don’t think sleeping with me is gonna make it alright this time. You’re not that gifted sweet heart-
Tomas: Will you pipe down, Lex. I have a plan. Where’s Frank?
Humphries: He’s outside the Safeway down the street begging for change and pooping on cars.
Tomas: Well, we’ll just catch him up later. Remember how I was on Jeopardy a few weeks ago?
Alexis: How can we forget, you nearly killed Alex Trebek and ruined Andrei’s reputation in that corner of the world. Not even Rob Blondie has a worse reputation in show biz than you do now.
Tomas: Maybe I could ask Rob about getting work in pictures...never mind that now. I promise that you’ll get your money back and then some, Lex, but for now I gotta pee. Simmer down and I’ll be right back.
Luger disappears out into the hallway and Humphries sits on the bed. Alexis sits next to him and puts her head into her hands and starts crying. Humphries reaches up and puts his arm around her-
Humphries: What’s the matter Lex? I gave Tomas the seventy bucks I’d saved up and Frank gave him like two hundred dollars. He said he needed a thousand and I told him about your stash-
Alexis snaps up and glares at Humphries, tears and mascara streaming down her face like some kind of heroin addict.
Alexis: You did what?! Why would you do that Humpy, you knew that money was for bills and food and stuff-
Humphries: It’s Tomas, Lex. Has he ever let us down?
Alexis: Constantly-
Humphries: C’mon, be fair. You lived with that jerk that used to beat you until Tomas came into your job and broke that guys jaw.
Alexis: But still-
Humphries: And I was in that awful foster home until you and Tomas adopted me-
Alexis: By lying to the people and forging almost all the documents we had to produce-
Humphries: And Frank was a dirty drunk bum in and out of jail before Tomas took him in-
Alexis: He’s still a dirty drunk bum, Humpy-
Humphries: No, Alexis. All of us have improved our lives thanks to Tomas’ help and now he needs our help. We have to pull together in his time of need.
Alexis: You really believe he has a plan? Do you honestly think he knows what the hell he’s doing?
Humphries: Sometimes. I trust him. I’m happy here with you guys. I don’t want to ever go back into foster care, Alexis. Not ever. I’m gonna do what it takes to make sure that Tomas keeps us together.
Alexis wipes her eyes and just smears her mascara even worse, but she’s stopped crying. She hugs Humphries.
Alexis: I’ll try, for you, Humpy Bear.
Tomas walks in and sees the scene in his bedroom.
TL: What did I miss?
The two separate, and Alexis shoots Luger another evil look.
Alexis: Tell me what you have in mind, Tomas.
Tomas: Before I divulge the secrets of why I’ve had to scavenge together everyone’s cash and where I’ve been the last few days, let me first ask this: If we needed to put together a team of five, who would be our fifth?
Humphries: Mr. Karishnikov of course!
TL: No, I already asked and he gunned me down.
Alexis: What are we putting together a team of five for, Tom?
TL: I’m getting there, don’t you know anything about suspense?
Alexis: About as much as you do about money-
Luger, getting really excited now, stands like he’s holding a game show card.
TL: I’ll give you a hint. We surveyed one hundred people, top six answers are on the board. Name a way to win a lot of money in a short amount of time-
Alexis: Oh dear God...
Humphries(as though he’s ringing in):Be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire!
Tomas looks rather deflated at the response.
TL: Yeah that would’ve been easier. Dammit...
Alexis: You aren’t seriously putting us on another game show? How on Earth did you get us on Family Feud?
TL: That’s for me to know and you to show up wearing something low cut on, Lex. We go in for the taping next week.
Humphries: Aren’t you worried about your match with Rob and Shaka next week?
TL: Nah, Rob can’t shave my head again. Well he can, but it won’t be as dramatic this time around. Besides, I’m the number one contender for both the Heavyweight Title and the Tag Team Titles-
Luger pauses and brightens. Humphries and Luger both share a look.
TL: He just might-
Humphries: I’ll find his number if you wanna make the call-
Alexis: No, absolutely not. I don’t want either of the other two members of the Rabble in on this. I don’t trust York and I’d rather stick a branding iron up my ass than have Luke Savage anywhere near me-
TL: Well, we’ve gotta get a fifth person, Lex. Alright, everyone, mission this week is to figure out who we’re taking to the feud with us. Now, unless anyone wants to put my camcorder to work at this ghastly hour, I suggest you get outta my bedroom.
Alexis: Fool me once...Luger, this plan better work. We’re counting on you, don’t let us down.
Humphries: I’ll make a movie with you Tom! Wanna do a remake of Indiana Jones?
Alexis: Not that kind of movie, Humpy, let’s just go back to bed.
Alexis and Humphries exit and shut the door behind them. Luger snuggles back up with Lucky Bear and resumes his dreamy times.
Don’t touch that dial, Tomas Luger’s epic quest to be on Family Feud will be right back!
Pan out and we see someone sleeping in a bed, next to the night table this time machine sits on. This someone is sleeping in those cute pajamas with the feet and cuddled up with a Care Bear. Lucky Bear, to be precise.
Tighten in to see the Champion of the Masses drooling just a bit and half smiling while dreaming about chasing cars or something, one arm clutching his teddy.
Such a peaceful scene...
Alexis: I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!
The serenity is disturbed when Alexis comes screaming like a banshee into the room, jumping on Luger and choking him awake.
Moments later Humphries comes running into Tomas’ room, in matching “feetie” jammies and flips on the light. He runs over to the bed and manages to drag Alexis off of Luger, though he can’t manage to extinguish the fire raging in her eyes.
Luger sits up and wipes the spit from the side of his face, still unsure of what the hell just happened.
TL: What time is it?
Alexis: Time for you to explain why I’m just getting home from the club to find the four hundred dollars I saved missing.
Alexis shakes free from Humphries grasp and just stands over the foot of the bed, hands on hips, ready to kill if need be.
TL: What were you doing at the club, Lex, if we don’t have any money?
Alexis: I was taking my clothes off for scumbags like you so that we can eat this week. I swear to God, Tomas, if you don’t produce my money like magic I’ll cut your damned nuts off-
Luger sits up and begins wiping the sleep from his eyes and looks at the clock.
TL: Dammit, Lex. I needed the cash to buy these sick feeted pajamas for me and Humphries. Whaddya think?
Humphries does the “spin” move as he models the pjs for the very angry woman.
Alexis: This has gone on far enough. I’m leaving this house. I’m leaving The Rabble. I’m leaving you, Tomas Luger.
Alexis turns to storm out of the room, but quicker than imagined, the former Original King of Wrestling jumps to his feet and cuts her off at the door. He puts his arm around her and leads her to the bed. She shakes free from under Luger’s arm-
Alexis: Uh-uh, Luger, don’t think sleeping with me is gonna make it alright this time. You’re not that gifted sweet heart-
Tomas: Will you pipe down, Lex. I have a plan. Where’s Frank?
Humphries: He’s outside the Safeway down the street begging for change and pooping on cars.
Tomas: Well, we’ll just catch him up later. Remember how I was on Jeopardy a few weeks ago?
Alexis: How can we forget, you nearly killed Alex Trebek and ruined Andrei’s reputation in that corner of the world. Not even Rob Blondie has a worse reputation in show biz than you do now.
Tomas: Maybe I could ask Rob about getting work in pictures...never mind that now. I promise that you’ll get your money back and then some, Lex, but for now I gotta pee. Simmer down and I’ll be right back.
Luger disappears out into the hallway and Humphries sits on the bed. Alexis sits next to him and puts her head into her hands and starts crying. Humphries reaches up and puts his arm around her-
Humphries: What’s the matter Lex? I gave Tomas the seventy bucks I’d saved up and Frank gave him like two hundred dollars. He said he needed a thousand and I told him about your stash-
Alexis snaps up and glares at Humphries, tears and mascara streaming down her face like some kind of heroin addict.
Alexis: You did what?! Why would you do that Humpy, you knew that money was for bills and food and stuff-
Humphries: It’s Tomas, Lex. Has he ever let us down?
Alexis: Constantly-
Humphries: C’mon, be fair. You lived with that jerk that used to beat you until Tomas came into your job and broke that guys jaw.
Alexis: But still-
Humphries: And I was in that awful foster home until you and Tomas adopted me-
Alexis: By lying to the people and forging almost all the documents we had to produce-
Humphries: And Frank was a dirty drunk bum in and out of jail before Tomas took him in-
Alexis: He’s still a dirty drunk bum, Humpy-
Humphries: No, Alexis. All of us have improved our lives thanks to Tomas’ help and now he needs our help. We have to pull together in his time of need.
Alexis: You really believe he has a plan? Do you honestly think he knows what the hell he’s doing?
Humphries: Sometimes. I trust him. I’m happy here with you guys. I don’t want to ever go back into foster care, Alexis. Not ever. I’m gonna do what it takes to make sure that Tomas keeps us together.
Alexis wipes her eyes and just smears her mascara even worse, but she’s stopped crying. She hugs Humphries.
Alexis: I’ll try, for you, Humpy Bear.
Tomas walks in and sees the scene in his bedroom.
TL: What did I miss?
The two separate, and Alexis shoots Luger another evil look.
Alexis: Tell me what you have in mind, Tomas.
Tomas: Before I divulge the secrets of why I’ve had to scavenge together everyone’s cash and where I’ve been the last few days, let me first ask this: If we needed to put together a team of five, who would be our fifth?
Humphries: Mr. Karishnikov of course!
TL: No, I already asked and he gunned me down.
Alexis: What are we putting together a team of five for, Tom?
TL: I’m getting there, don’t you know anything about suspense?
Alexis: About as much as you do about money-
Luger, getting really excited now, stands like he’s holding a game show card.
TL: I’ll give you a hint. We surveyed one hundred people, top six answers are on the board. Name a way to win a lot of money in a short amount of time-
Alexis: Oh dear God...
Humphries(as though he’s ringing in):Be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire!
Tomas looks rather deflated at the response.
TL: Yeah that would’ve been easier. Dammit...
Alexis: You aren’t seriously putting us on another game show? How on Earth did you get us on Family Feud?
TL: That’s for me to know and you to show up wearing something low cut on, Lex. We go in for the taping next week.
Humphries: Aren’t you worried about your match with Rob and Shaka next week?
TL: Nah, Rob can’t shave my head again. Well he can, but it won’t be as dramatic this time around. Besides, I’m the number one contender for both the Heavyweight Title and the Tag Team Titles-
Luger pauses and brightens. Humphries and Luger both share a look.
TL: He just might-
Humphries: I’ll find his number if you wanna make the call-
Alexis: No, absolutely not. I don’t want either of the other two members of the Rabble in on this. I don’t trust York and I’d rather stick a branding iron up my ass than have Luke Savage anywhere near me-
TL: Well, we’ve gotta get a fifth person, Lex. Alright, everyone, mission this week is to figure out who we’re taking to the feud with us. Now, unless anyone wants to put my camcorder to work at this ghastly hour, I suggest you get outta my bedroom.
Alexis: Fool me once...Luger, this plan better work. We’re counting on you, don’t let us down.
Humphries: I’ll make a movie with you Tom! Wanna do a remake of Indiana Jones?
Alexis: Not that kind of movie, Humpy, let’s just go back to bed.
Alexis and Humphries exit and shut the door behind them. Luger snuggles back up with Lucky Bear and resumes his dreamy times.
Don’t touch that dial, Tomas Luger’s epic quest to be on Family Feud will be right back!