Post by Eno Redrum on Sept 18, 2008 18:14:59 GMT -5
Shaka: Before I get this promo started about how I saved Joe Morganand Cameraman's asses and got their souls back from that bitch the Devil, I just want to take the time to say it's about damn time the TWD put my ass back in the ring and in action. Shit, dem niggas been holdin' me back, but this week I am gonna take off like a jet plane and fly through the air like you wouldn't believe. Now, enough of that shit. Here's the story about how me and my boys Darren and jerry Curl went to the club one night and met Joe Morgan and Cameraman. They told us how they lost their souls to the Devil and I went to Hell and won their souls back. Check it bitches, cuz here we go!
Announcer: When we last left Shaka Sho'Nuff, the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX, he and his boys were heading out to the club to chase ass and rock dat funky joint. . .
Screw this, I have a college degree and you can't pay me enough to talk like an uneducated idiot! I'm outta here, you can tell your own damn story Shaka!
Shaka: Fuck you white boy! I don't need your narrow ass anyway. Now as that punk was saying, me and my boys were out at the club one night. We was getting our drank on and clocking the hoes, when things took a turn and we ended up in some type of Stephen King shit. Dis be dat story.
I remember it all like it was just last night. See, me and darren Curl were sitting at this table getting on mack on with these two white bitches when darren's younger brother, Jerry, ran up carrying on about some crazy shit!
Jerry: Yo Darren, we been challenged! Paco Taco, Too Dark Brother and Ugly Mexican Chick have challenged us to a dance off. But there's only two of us, we need a third. We need a girl. What we gonna do Darren?
Darren: Shit Jerry, cool out and quit buggin'. Yo girl can you move it on the dance floor like I know you can move it in the bedroom?
White Girl: Even better baby!
Darren: A'ight then, let's do this!
Shaka: And with that, Darren, Jerry and White Girl took to the dance floor to battle Paco Taco, Too Dark Brother and Ugly Mexican Chick in a dance battle.
Shaka: Now after that bullshit was over. Sorry I aint in to all that battle dance, Beat Street, Sambo Nigga bullshit. Like I said, after that was over, we all took a table in the V.I.P. section of the club whem some crazy ass slank-eye Jap dudes comes up to our table talking some shit.
Chigger #1: Wassa happening my nigga?!
Shaka; What that bitch just say?!
Chigger #2: he say uh, wassa happening my nigga? You like uh racewah?
Shaka: Do I like a race war? Bitch I will kick yo ass all the way back to feudal Japan if you don't check yo'self before you wreck yo'self!
Chigger #1: uh no, no, excuse please. He say uh racewah. You know, like uh Ken Riffey Junioor.
Shaka: Ah shit, that nigga meant baseball. yeah, yeah, I like baseball.
Chigger #2: Ah very good. Ichiro is uh #1, yes?
Shaka: uh no! this is America bitch and Ichiro may be good, but in America, we honor ours first! Shit, you be best not to forget that homey. Now what you wanna be niggas want?!
Chigger #1: our a friend Joe Morgan would uh like to speak uh with you please. You come.
Shaka: Naw nigga, I just be breathing hrad, but this white girl will having me cumming later tonight if you know what I mean.
Chigger #2: Excuse please, me no understand.
Shaka: Forget it nigga, just take me to meet this Joe Morgan cat.
So I followed them Kamakazi looking fools over to the back of the V.I.P. room to a big round corner table where two cats was sitting with so much weed piled on the table I could barely see their smoke blown eyes. I puled a chair up and waited for these two dudes to even notice I was there and tell me what the fuck this was all about. Finally, they pulled their attention from the bong they was hittin' to the cool cat sitting in front of them, ME!
Camera Man: What's your style?
Shaka: My style?
Joe Moergan: Yes, what is your style? Your fighting style?
Shaka: Shit nigga, my style is setting niggas up and knocking niggas out!
Camera Man: Oh I think he will do?
Joe Morgan: Indeed. Would you care to sample the verybest weed in the world? Straight from the Devil's Half Acre. This shit will fuck you up and get you high!
Shaka: get me high?!
Camera Man: get you so high!
Shaka: How high?!
Joe Morgan: Get you real high. So high you will touch the sky and lay across the clouds that are soft like marshmellow cream pie!
Shaka: So blazed up with these two fools. While we was getting high, and I do mean REAL HIGH, these nigga told me their story and how they lost their souls all for some weed. If you be interested, here is their sad little tale. Just so you knows what the hell is going on.
www.geocities.com/kevinkeithosborne/JoeMorgan.html
Joe Morgan: And that's the whole story. Ever since then, we been hiding from the Devil and basically getting high 24/7.
Camera Man: that's why we looked for you. We figured you were the only one stupi. . . . I mean bad enough to go head-to-head with the Devil and help us out.So what do you say? Will you do it playa?
Shaka: What's in it for me?
Joe Morgan: Free access to all the weed in Hell's Half Acre. Just think of the street value it would bring. You would be rich in a matter of weeks.
Shaka: then it's on like Donkey Kong bitches. Let's roll!
Camera Man: Where we headed?
Shaka: To the Crossroads to get this shit taken care of.
Joe Morgan: But we ain't nowhere near the crossroads. We still in Dallas.
Shaka: Shit nigga, there be more Crossroads then you know. You think the Devil only deals in the south wit dem niggas that got slave blood in em. Shit, follow me fool!
Shaka: so with that I took them two boys down to the corner of Martin Luther King Jr Dr and Malcolm X Blvd, the Ghetto Crossroads. A place where every hustla and playa goes to make a deal with "the man" to become the big pimp on tha corner.
Camera Man: What we doing here? It looks like a place for crackhead prostitutes and wanna be gang bangers?
Shaka: This is where we be meeting up with the Devil. When I meet the Devil he got to be a balla, a hustla, a tue playa. Shit, when I meet teh Devil he got to be. . .
Just then the sky turned black and clouds rolled in. Thunder crashed every where and a bolt of lightening hit right in front if them.
Dragzilla/Devil: Hello bitches and boy toys!
Everyone: Dragzilla?!?!
Dragzilla/Devil: That's right, yours truly, Dragzilla, a.k.a The Devil, but you can call me Lucy Ifer. That just sounds so much hotter.
Paris Hilton: That's hot!
Dragzilla/Devil: Shut up bitch or I will ball gag you and let you be raped in the ass by many demons with spikes all over their manhood. Enough of your lip woman!
Now where were we? Oh yes, you boys were looking for me. What can little ole me do for all of you sexy black Hershey Kiss men? Wanna see if you will melt in my mouth and not in my hand?
Shaka: Fuck that fool! I am here to get back these niggas soul. The white man done took enough from us so the Devil damn sure don't need to be adding to it. Now hand them over!
Dragzilla/Devil: Ewww, I love the attitude my friend and I love the 70's look. I tell you what, I will make a deal with you. Come to my place and beat my man in a battle and I will give you their souls back and access to all of Hell's Half Acre. However if you get beat, your black ass is mine for ETURNITY!
Shaka: Done! Let's do this bitch!
Just like that, Shaka, Darren, Jerry, White Girl, joe Morgan and Camera Man find themselves in Hell sitting at a bar by the Lake of Fire. Dragzilla is on stage dressed ina lime green suit, just like Marcus T would wear, and he has a microphone in his hand.
Dragzilla/Devil: Condemned Bitches and Boy Toys, we have a special treat for you. All the way from South Oak Cliff, TX I present to you Chaka Kahn who is hear to take on our champion, Dolomite in a Speak Off!
Shaka: that's Shaka Sho'Nuff bitch! The Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp and I am here to kick his ass so bring him on mutha fucka!
The crowd goes wild as Dolomite finishes. He walks up to Shaka and hands him the mic.
Dolomite: Top that mutha fucka!
Shaka: Way down in Hell so hot. Shaka Sho'Nuff, the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX jumped up on some Brimstone and said "Devil, suck my mutha fuckin' black cock!"
The Devil said, "Bitch can't you fucking see, I'm the true bitch on the block. Sp step the fuck back Shaka, you standing on my God-damn big ass cock."
The Devil lived in the ghetto by an old run down house at the end of Rosedale Street. he was always bullshitting and fucking with the black man every damn day of the week.
But then came Shaka who was the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX and was known throughout the ghetto as being the shit. Shaka decided it was time to put an end to the white man and the Devil's ass-kicking bullshit.
So Shaka ran up on the Devil the very next day. he said" Mr Devil, there's a bad ass mutha fucka named Jesus coming this way! And he is someone I think you damn sure know. His daddy is the big G-O-D who bitch slapped you from heaven and treated yo ass like some second class ho!
So Mr. Devil you still haunted by that every day and night. He gonna treat you like you was in the ghetto after dark and yo ass was pale and white."
The Devil jumped up in a hell of a rage, like Tomas Luger fucking Trailer Trash Tiffany while smoking that sage. He ran up on Jesus and started to spit. "You damn son of God, you best be ready for some shit!"
The Devil jumped up and tried to hit Jesus with a Matrix style karate kick. Jesus snapped his finger and said, "Bless me father," and then the Devil just tripped.
The Devil fell and busted his ass real hard. That's when Shaka laughed and said, "yeah bitch you no longer in charge!"
The Devil got mad and his horns began to grow, his voice boomed and his eyes turned red. But Jesus just said, "In Jesus' name," and POOF, the Devil was dead.
And that's the story of how Shaka Sho'Nuff the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX put a foot in the Devil and made him Shaka's little bitch. Made the Devil turn tricks on the corner till he got the seven year itch!
Dragzilla/Devil: Well I have never seen such a display of vulgarity and direspect to someone such as myself. You my friend definately have a set of balls so big that even King King would envy you and I like that.
You win! Take their souls and leave before I change my mind and make YOU my bitch!
Shaka: What about the access to the weed. How we gonna do that playa!
Dragzilla/Devil: FINE! the password is Puh Nahnni. Just say that three times and my personal bodyguard, puh Nahnni will appear and give you any amount you desire up to 666 kilos at a time. the only thing is, you must sell this weed at $18.81 a bag.
Shaka: Why?
Dragzilla/Devil: BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY! Fine you don't like the price then flip it around and charge that price.
Camera Man: Done, we out!
And just like that, they all find themselves back on the corner of Martin Luther King Dr and Malcolm X Blvd.
Joe Morgan: Camera Man you stupid fool, you agreed to the same price the Devil first told us.
Camera Man: How you figure that?
Joe Morgan: $18.81 backwards is still $18.81!
Camera Man: Of well, at least we got our souls back.
Joe Morgan: true, but now we are in business with Shaka and we still have to look over our shoulder for the return of the Evil/Gay monkey!
Announcer: When we last left Shaka Sho'Nuff, the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX, he and his boys were heading out to the club to chase ass and rock dat funky joint. . .
Screw this, I have a college degree and you can't pay me enough to talk like an uneducated idiot! I'm outta here, you can tell your own damn story Shaka!
Shaka: Fuck you white boy! I don't need your narrow ass anyway. Now as that punk was saying, me and my boys were out at the club one night. We was getting our drank on and clocking the hoes, when things took a turn and we ended up in some type of Stephen King shit. Dis be dat story.
I remember it all like it was just last night. See, me and darren Curl were sitting at this table getting on mack on with these two white bitches when darren's younger brother, Jerry, ran up carrying on about some crazy shit!
Jerry: Yo Darren, we been challenged! Paco Taco, Too Dark Brother and Ugly Mexican Chick have challenged us to a dance off. But there's only two of us, we need a third. We need a girl. What we gonna do Darren?
Darren: Shit Jerry, cool out and quit buggin'. Yo girl can you move it on the dance floor like I know you can move it in the bedroom?
White Girl: Even better baby!
Darren: A'ight then, let's do this!
Shaka: And with that, Darren, Jerry and White Girl took to the dance floor to battle Paco Taco, Too Dark Brother and Ugly Mexican Chick in a dance battle.
Shaka: Now after that bullshit was over. Sorry I aint in to all that battle dance, Beat Street, Sambo Nigga bullshit. Like I said, after that was over, we all took a table in the V.I.P. section of the club whem some crazy ass slank-eye Jap dudes comes up to our table talking some shit.
Chigger #1: Wassa happening my nigga?!
Shaka; What that bitch just say?!
Chigger #2: he say uh, wassa happening my nigga? You like uh racewah?
Shaka: Do I like a race war? Bitch I will kick yo ass all the way back to feudal Japan if you don't check yo'self before you wreck yo'self!
Chigger #1: uh no, no, excuse please. He say uh racewah. You know, like uh Ken Riffey Junioor.
Shaka: Ah shit, that nigga meant baseball. yeah, yeah, I like baseball.
Chigger #2: Ah very good. Ichiro is uh #1, yes?
Shaka: uh no! this is America bitch and Ichiro may be good, but in America, we honor ours first! Shit, you be best not to forget that homey. Now what you wanna be niggas want?!
Chigger #1: our a friend Joe Morgan would uh like to speak uh with you please. You come.
Shaka: Naw nigga, I just be breathing hrad, but this white girl will having me cumming later tonight if you know what I mean.
Chigger #2: Excuse please, me no understand.
Shaka: Forget it nigga, just take me to meet this Joe Morgan cat.
So I followed them Kamakazi looking fools over to the back of the V.I.P. room to a big round corner table where two cats was sitting with so much weed piled on the table I could barely see their smoke blown eyes. I puled a chair up and waited for these two dudes to even notice I was there and tell me what the fuck this was all about. Finally, they pulled their attention from the bong they was hittin' to the cool cat sitting in front of them, ME!
Camera Man: What's your style?
Shaka: My style?
Joe Moergan: Yes, what is your style? Your fighting style?
Shaka: Shit nigga, my style is setting niggas up and knocking niggas out!
Camera Man: Oh I think he will do?
Joe Morgan: Indeed. Would you care to sample the verybest weed in the world? Straight from the Devil's Half Acre. This shit will fuck you up and get you high!
Shaka: get me high?!
Camera Man: get you so high!
Shaka: How high?!
Joe Morgan: Get you real high. So high you will touch the sky and lay across the clouds that are soft like marshmellow cream pie!
Shaka: So blazed up with these two fools. While we was getting high, and I do mean REAL HIGH, these nigga told me their story and how they lost their souls all for some weed. If you be interested, here is their sad little tale. Just so you knows what the hell is going on.
www.geocities.com/kevinkeithosborne/JoeMorgan.html
Joe Morgan: And that's the whole story. Ever since then, we been hiding from the Devil and basically getting high 24/7.
Camera Man: that's why we looked for you. We figured you were the only one stupi. . . . I mean bad enough to go head-to-head with the Devil and help us out.So what do you say? Will you do it playa?
Shaka: What's in it for me?
Joe Morgan: Free access to all the weed in Hell's Half Acre. Just think of the street value it would bring. You would be rich in a matter of weeks.
Shaka: then it's on like Donkey Kong bitches. Let's roll!
Camera Man: Where we headed?
Shaka: To the Crossroads to get this shit taken care of.
Joe Morgan: But we ain't nowhere near the crossroads. We still in Dallas.
Shaka: Shit nigga, there be more Crossroads then you know. You think the Devil only deals in the south wit dem niggas that got slave blood in em. Shit, follow me fool!
Shaka: so with that I took them two boys down to the corner of Martin Luther King Jr Dr and Malcolm X Blvd, the Ghetto Crossroads. A place where every hustla and playa goes to make a deal with "the man" to become the big pimp on tha corner.
Camera Man: What we doing here? It looks like a place for crackhead prostitutes and wanna be gang bangers?
Shaka: This is where we be meeting up with the Devil. When I meet the Devil he got to be a balla, a hustla, a tue playa. Shit, when I meet teh Devil he got to be. . .
Just then the sky turned black and clouds rolled in. Thunder crashed every where and a bolt of lightening hit right in front if them.
Dragzilla/Devil: Hello bitches and boy toys!
Everyone: Dragzilla?!?!
Dragzilla/Devil: That's right, yours truly, Dragzilla, a.k.a The Devil, but you can call me Lucy Ifer. That just sounds so much hotter.
Paris Hilton: That's hot!
Dragzilla/Devil: Shut up bitch or I will ball gag you and let you be raped in the ass by many demons with spikes all over their manhood. Enough of your lip woman!
Now where were we? Oh yes, you boys were looking for me. What can little ole me do for all of you sexy black Hershey Kiss men? Wanna see if you will melt in my mouth and not in my hand?
Shaka: Fuck that fool! I am here to get back these niggas soul. The white man done took enough from us so the Devil damn sure don't need to be adding to it. Now hand them over!
Dragzilla/Devil: Ewww, I love the attitude my friend and I love the 70's look. I tell you what, I will make a deal with you. Come to my place and beat my man in a battle and I will give you their souls back and access to all of Hell's Half Acre. However if you get beat, your black ass is mine for ETURNITY!
Shaka: Done! Let's do this bitch!
Just like that, Shaka, Darren, Jerry, White Girl, joe Morgan and Camera Man find themselves in Hell sitting at a bar by the Lake of Fire. Dragzilla is on stage dressed ina lime green suit, just like Marcus T would wear, and he has a microphone in his hand.
Dragzilla/Devil: Condemned Bitches and Boy Toys, we have a special treat for you. All the way from South Oak Cliff, TX I present to you Chaka Kahn who is hear to take on our champion, Dolomite in a Speak Off!
Shaka: that's Shaka Sho'Nuff bitch! The Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp and I am here to kick his ass so bring him on mutha fucka!
The crowd goes wild as Dolomite finishes. He walks up to Shaka and hands him the mic.
Dolomite: Top that mutha fucka!
Shaka: Way down in Hell so hot. Shaka Sho'Nuff, the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX jumped up on some Brimstone and said "Devil, suck my mutha fuckin' black cock!"
The Devil said, "Bitch can't you fucking see, I'm the true bitch on the block. Sp step the fuck back Shaka, you standing on my God-damn big ass cock."
The Devil lived in the ghetto by an old run down house at the end of Rosedale Street. he was always bullshitting and fucking with the black man every damn day of the week.
But then came Shaka who was the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX and was known throughout the ghetto as being the shit. Shaka decided it was time to put an end to the white man and the Devil's ass-kicking bullshit.
So Shaka ran up on the Devil the very next day. he said" Mr Devil, there's a bad ass mutha fucka named Jesus coming this way! And he is someone I think you damn sure know. His daddy is the big G-O-D who bitch slapped you from heaven and treated yo ass like some second class ho!
So Mr. Devil you still haunted by that every day and night. He gonna treat you like you was in the ghetto after dark and yo ass was pale and white."
The Devil jumped up in a hell of a rage, like Tomas Luger fucking Trailer Trash Tiffany while smoking that sage. He ran up on Jesus and started to spit. "You damn son of God, you best be ready for some shit!"
The Devil jumped up and tried to hit Jesus with a Matrix style karate kick. Jesus snapped his finger and said, "Bless me father," and then the Devil just tripped.
The Devil fell and busted his ass real hard. That's when Shaka laughed and said, "yeah bitch you no longer in charge!"
The Devil got mad and his horns began to grow, his voice boomed and his eyes turned red. But Jesus just said, "In Jesus' name," and POOF, the Devil was dead.
And that's the story of how Shaka Sho'Nuff the Samurai, Shogun, Player SLASH Pimp of South Oak Cliff, TX put a foot in the Devil and made him Shaka's little bitch. Made the Devil turn tricks on the corner till he got the seven year itch!
Dragzilla/Devil: Well I have never seen such a display of vulgarity and direspect to someone such as myself. You my friend definately have a set of balls so big that even King King would envy you and I like that.
You win! Take their souls and leave before I change my mind and make YOU my bitch!
Shaka: What about the access to the weed. How we gonna do that playa!
Dragzilla/Devil: FINE! the password is Puh Nahnni. Just say that three times and my personal bodyguard, puh Nahnni will appear and give you any amount you desire up to 666 kilos at a time. the only thing is, you must sell this weed at $18.81 a bag.
Shaka: Why?
Dragzilla/Devil: BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY! Fine you don't like the price then flip it around and charge that price.
Camera Man: Done, we out!
And just like that, they all find themselves back on the corner of Martin Luther King Dr and Malcolm X Blvd.
Joe Morgan: Camera Man you stupid fool, you agreed to the same price the Devil first told us.
Camera Man: How you figure that?
Joe Morgan: $18.81 backwards is still $18.81!
Camera Man: Of well, at least we got our souls back.
Joe Morgan: true, but now we are in business with Shaka and we still have to look over our shoulder for the return of the Evil/Gay monkey!
