Post by Tomas Luger on Jun 13, 2008 4:56:32 GMT -5
Kersh’s mom slid her tongue stickily across those crimson, haggard lips.
Tomas Luger, rigged with one hand behind his back and his feet fully bound together, immediately threw up. It appeared to be a nice mixture of undercooked meat and foul, cheap booze. Tomas was on a strict alcohol diet, prescribed by himself.
It wasn’t fear that made him black out. Katu Tui is a big bastard, but he’s mostly a pussy. No, it was mostly the smell from the toxic waste Luger just dumped from his face. One whiff of that foul spew sent ‘ol Tomas spinning to the ground, like some kind of sick booze fume contact high.
In that deep abyss of unconsciousness, he dreamt a truly beautiful dream.
Tomas’ eyes opened. He was in a lavish room, with hand spun tapestries hanging from the wall, depicting some epic rise to power. There was a warrior on the wall rugs, and he seemed to be enforcing the will of God himself upon so many people that seem to resemble weak and pathetic sheep.
Luger rolled his eyes. He now realized that he was currently standing in some anonymous bedroom in Brent Kersh’s tiny, sad castle.
Voices! They came crooning from down the hall. Tomas began searching frantically for a place to hide. Hurriedly he whips behind one of the tapestries as the door to the room clangs open.
In walks The Enforcer’s mother and her dynamite, knockout, cougar friend. They are laughing like a couple of school teens with a real bad smoking problem.
“Oh, did you see the way that Tomas Luger dropped Katu Tui? He just destroyed him!” wowed Mother Kersh.
“He made Katu Tui look like a small, infant child. Tomas Luger is truly a remarkable specimen of maleness.” agreed the hot companion.
“He make’s ‘em look like girls because he’s hung enough for two men! Did you see that bulge in his pantaloons?” raved Kersh’s MILF.
“When the sweat wasn’t glistening off of his perfect, limber looking body, causing me much distraction-I did happen to notice he’s apparently lugging around a small child in his trousers!” continued the associate to Kersh’s over the top, cougar mother.
At this point, Tomas Luger had heard enough. He’d made up his mind.
He could take ‘em both on.
He stepped from behind the curtain-
TL: Ladies, I couldn’t help but overhear someone mention some of my finer qualities!
Both women stand in mock half shock and half hot flash.
Kersh’s Mom: What, sir, may I ask are you doing in my room?
TL: Consider me an answer to your perverted prayers, ladies.
Hot Friend: *gasping* Well, sir!
Both women blush and shoot each other a glance. Luger, meanwhile saunters toward the bed and puts both arms up on the overhanging bed canopy. He sways a bit and smiles that ever so mischievous grin.
TL: You ladies were just talking about me, were you not? Well, here I stand! In the flesh, as it were-
Kersh’s Mom: I don’t see much flesh-
Both women begin undressing and the camera pans to Luger before we see any BLT’s. Luger whips off his shirt right before the smell of puke hits his nose and everything goes black.
****
Again, Tomas Luger finds himself awaking from a state of unconsciousness only this time he finds himself laying in the middle of the dirt cart path leading out of Teedubbyadee. Tomas is staring up at the sky when there is a facial eclipse and the face of a grubby child, around the age of twelve or so, shades all that Luger can see.
Child: You okay mister?
Luger groans and climbs to his feet, dusting off the dirt from his tunic and breeches. We now are also able to see the full scope of the lad. He’s wearing a pair of goat skin pants that are way too big for him, and these pants are being held up by suspenders. He wears no shirt and he has on a green, felt, triangular hat with a tattered, used to be yellow feather stuck in it. He has one hand on his left suspender and the other is clutching at a fife. Luger looks at the boy with some disdain-
TL: I’m fine Humphries-
Humphries begins skipping circles around Tomas Luger and playing a jaunty melody on his fife.
TL: Would you cut it out, I’ve got a headache for the love of God!
Humphries: So what were you doin’ a-layin in the road anyhow?
TL: I dunno. Last thing I remember was laying it to Kersh’s mom and-
Humphries stops skipping in circles and kinda cocks his head to one side-
Humphries: You were doing what to Kersh’s mom?
TL: Huh? Oh, sorry, I was completely porking her and her rather filthy friend. It was really brutal. At one point we had the stable boy bring up The Enforcer’s favorite saddle and stay for a few rides. There was some light spanking, I’ve still probably got welts, wanna see?
We should pause here to tell you something about the relationship between Humphries and Tomas Luger. You see, ever since Tomas left his Master-Ye Olde Rob Blondie-and struck out for his own fortunes, he’d always been looking for an apprentice of his own. When he got to Teedubbyadee he’d seen Humphries sick and hungry on the side of the road. Seems the boy had run away from some non-existence in some back water town only to run into a new non-existence in Teedubbyadee.
Luger took Humphries into his shanty, lean-to shelter and fed him. Humphries pretty much swore his life to Luger from there forth. Tomas taught him to steal and develop an image, but apparently Humphries idea of a personality is obscene clothing and a fruity flute. Tomas Figure he could work with it. Anyway-
Humphries: Uh, maybe later. So how did you end up knocked out in the middle of the road again?
Luger stops and scratches his head-
TL: You know, I’m not really sure, come to think of it-
Humphries: Man, you need to wake up...
WAKE UP!
Tomas Luger snaps back to reality (no really, It’s back to normal now I promise) and realizes that he’s prone on the ground with one hand tied behind his back, his feet cruelly bound to each other and a giant fat Samoan of some sort ready to crush the life out of him.
Luger rises to his feet moments before Tui is upon him and cocks his head to one side
TL: Is that a fife?
To be continued...
****
Welcome to 2008.
Welcome to the TWD.
I promise this won’t be like the BKI. I learned my lesson-
If you don’t have photo shop, don’t play around with pictures. Any asshole can use photobucket.com, I got that now. Sorry for the confusion.
I’d like to take some time out from my epic tale of adventure to talk a little one on one to my opponent this week, The mighty Katu Tui.
I remember you from the BKI. I remember thinking, “What, is this the special olympics?” as I watched you win round after round.
But you didn’t win, so thank Dad I don’t have the pressure of fighting the defending champ.
Yes, I lost too. Yes, it was before you.
But who’s counting, right? The point is, we’re both losers.
Yup, you and me are two suck pees in a suck pod aren’t we Tui?
But enough about what we have in common-
How about where we really start to differ.
For instance, I’m sure you loved your latest promo.
Wait, don’t boo me yet, hear me out.
I’m sure you convinced yourself it wasn’t that bad for knocking the rust off. Maybe you didn’t love it...
I, on the other hand (and being a fellow loser), hated it.
You mumbled something about how you were gonna talk about me, and then you spent like five minutes-On camera, mind you-prattling on about God knows what garbage you talk about. Then you mention me some, in passing. Then you drone on for like another five minutes.
It was like you’d never cut a promo before in your whole life.
So, anyway, I hated it.
Consider this constructive criticism from me to you.
As for the little epic I’ve got going here, in the town of Teedubbyadee, let’s just say that all character’s are fictional until proven otherwise.
Except me, I’m the biggest douche bag on the planet. You can believe that.
And Kersh’s mom sucks a mean cock.
See you at the Showdown, Chumps...
Tomas Luger, rigged with one hand behind his back and his feet fully bound together, immediately threw up. It appeared to be a nice mixture of undercooked meat and foul, cheap booze. Tomas was on a strict alcohol diet, prescribed by himself.
It wasn’t fear that made him black out. Katu Tui is a big bastard, but he’s mostly a pussy. No, it was mostly the smell from the toxic waste Luger just dumped from his face. One whiff of that foul spew sent ‘ol Tomas spinning to the ground, like some kind of sick booze fume contact high.
In that deep abyss of unconsciousness, he dreamt a truly beautiful dream.
Tomas’ eyes opened. He was in a lavish room, with hand spun tapestries hanging from the wall, depicting some epic rise to power. There was a warrior on the wall rugs, and he seemed to be enforcing the will of God himself upon so many people that seem to resemble weak and pathetic sheep.
Luger rolled his eyes. He now realized that he was currently standing in some anonymous bedroom in Brent Kersh’s tiny, sad castle.
Voices! They came crooning from down the hall. Tomas began searching frantically for a place to hide. Hurriedly he whips behind one of the tapestries as the door to the room clangs open.
In walks The Enforcer’s mother and her dynamite, knockout, cougar friend. They are laughing like a couple of school teens with a real bad smoking problem.
“Oh, did you see the way that Tomas Luger dropped Katu Tui? He just destroyed him!” wowed Mother Kersh.
“He made Katu Tui look like a small, infant child. Tomas Luger is truly a remarkable specimen of maleness.” agreed the hot companion.
“He make’s ‘em look like girls because he’s hung enough for two men! Did you see that bulge in his pantaloons?” raved Kersh’s MILF.
“When the sweat wasn’t glistening off of his perfect, limber looking body, causing me much distraction-I did happen to notice he’s apparently lugging around a small child in his trousers!” continued the associate to Kersh’s over the top, cougar mother.
At this point, Tomas Luger had heard enough. He’d made up his mind.
He could take ‘em both on.
He stepped from behind the curtain-
TL: Ladies, I couldn’t help but overhear someone mention some of my finer qualities!
Both women stand in mock half shock and half hot flash.
Kersh’s Mom: What, sir, may I ask are you doing in my room?
TL: Consider me an answer to your perverted prayers, ladies.
Hot Friend: *gasping* Well, sir!
Both women blush and shoot each other a glance. Luger, meanwhile saunters toward the bed and puts both arms up on the overhanging bed canopy. He sways a bit and smiles that ever so mischievous grin.
TL: You ladies were just talking about me, were you not? Well, here I stand! In the flesh, as it were-
Kersh’s Mom: I don’t see much flesh-
Both women begin undressing and the camera pans to Luger before we see any BLT’s. Luger whips off his shirt right before the smell of puke hits his nose and everything goes black.
****
Again, Tomas Luger finds himself awaking from a state of unconsciousness only this time he finds himself laying in the middle of the dirt cart path leading out of Teedubbyadee. Tomas is staring up at the sky when there is a facial eclipse and the face of a grubby child, around the age of twelve or so, shades all that Luger can see.
Child: You okay mister?
Luger groans and climbs to his feet, dusting off the dirt from his tunic and breeches. We now are also able to see the full scope of the lad. He’s wearing a pair of goat skin pants that are way too big for him, and these pants are being held up by suspenders. He wears no shirt and he has on a green, felt, triangular hat with a tattered, used to be yellow feather stuck in it. He has one hand on his left suspender and the other is clutching at a fife. Luger looks at the boy with some disdain-
TL: I’m fine Humphries-
Humphries begins skipping circles around Tomas Luger and playing a jaunty melody on his fife.
TL: Would you cut it out, I’ve got a headache for the love of God!
Humphries: So what were you doin’ a-layin in the road anyhow?
TL: I dunno. Last thing I remember was laying it to Kersh’s mom and-
Humphries stops skipping in circles and kinda cocks his head to one side-
Humphries: You were doing what to Kersh’s mom?
TL: Huh? Oh, sorry, I was completely porking her and her rather filthy friend. It was really brutal. At one point we had the stable boy bring up The Enforcer’s favorite saddle and stay for a few rides. There was some light spanking, I’ve still probably got welts, wanna see?
We should pause here to tell you something about the relationship between Humphries and Tomas Luger. You see, ever since Tomas left his Master-Ye Olde Rob Blondie-and struck out for his own fortunes, he’d always been looking for an apprentice of his own. When he got to Teedubbyadee he’d seen Humphries sick and hungry on the side of the road. Seems the boy had run away from some non-existence in some back water town only to run into a new non-existence in Teedubbyadee.
Luger took Humphries into his shanty, lean-to shelter and fed him. Humphries pretty much swore his life to Luger from there forth. Tomas taught him to steal and develop an image, but apparently Humphries idea of a personality is obscene clothing and a fruity flute. Tomas Figure he could work with it. Anyway-
Humphries: Uh, maybe later. So how did you end up knocked out in the middle of the road again?
Luger stops and scratches his head-
TL: You know, I’m not really sure, come to think of it-
Humphries: Man, you need to wake up...
WAKE UP!
Tomas Luger snaps back to reality (no really, It’s back to normal now I promise) and realizes that he’s prone on the ground with one hand tied behind his back, his feet cruelly bound to each other and a giant fat Samoan of some sort ready to crush the life out of him.
Luger rises to his feet moments before Tui is upon him and cocks his head to one side
TL: Is that a fife?
To be continued...
****
Welcome to 2008.
Welcome to the TWD.
I promise this won’t be like the BKI. I learned my lesson-
If you don’t have photo shop, don’t play around with pictures. Any asshole can use photobucket.com, I got that now. Sorry for the confusion.
I’d like to take some time out from my epic tale of adventure to talk a little one on one to my opponent this week, The mighty Katu Tui.
I remember you from the BKI. I remember thinking, “What, is this the special olympics?” as I watched you win round after round.
But you didn’t win, so thank Dad I don’t have the pressure of fighting the defending champ.
Yes, I lost too. Yes, it was before you.
But who’s counting, right? The point is, we’re both losers.
Yup, you and me are two suck pees in a suck pod aren’t we Tui?
But enough about what we have in common-
How about where we really start to differ.
For instance, I’m sure you loved your latest promo.
Wait, don’t boo me yet, hear me out.
I’m sure you convinced yourself it wasn’t that bad for knocking the rust off. Maybe you didn’t love it...
I, on the other hand (and being a fellow loser), hated it.
You mumbled something about how you were gonna talk about me, and then you spent like five minutes-On camera, mind you-prattling on about God knows what garbage you talk about. Then you mention me some, in passing. Then you drone on for like another five minutes.
It was like you’d never cut a promo before in your whole life.
So, anyway, I hated it.
Consider this constructive criticism from me to you.
As for the little epic I’ve got going here, in the town of Teedubbyadee, let’s just say that all character’s are fictional until proven otherwise.
Except me, I’m the biggest douche bag on the planet. You can believe that.
And Kersh’s mom sucks a mean cock.
See you at the Showdown, Chumps...