Post by Eno Redrum on Nov 8, 2008 10:15:18 GMT -5
Announcer: Just when you thought JENT was down and out, they found salvation and a second chance. Jesus you say? No, something much greater than the son of God. They found salvation in their fallen leader. Welcome to the 1st Church of JENT on Mt. Zion, in the blessed name of the true creator of Life. BBMT!
Brother Bunny (Psycho Bunny): Halleluah! Greatings brothers and sisters. Welcome to the 1st Church of JENT, high atop Mt Zion just on the off ramp of the Holy Highway. My name is the Rev, Psycho, Brother Bunny.
Sister Dragz: And I'm Sister Dragzilla.
Brother Bunny: And we are gonna double team your faith today like a cheap porn film made by Tomas Luger and Justin York.
Sister Dragz: Praise the Lord Marcus.
Brother Bunny: That's right. We're gonna reach down in your soul and get you in the mood! We're gonna get you excite! We're gonna make you feel good like you knew we would!
Sister Dragz: Oh Brother Bun-bun, I'm telling you if all I had was a clock in my pants, it would be high noon right now!
Brother Bunny: Well I think you need to keep that time to yourself Sister Dragz.
Sister Dragz: I'll try, but I don't know if I can do that.
Brother Bunny: Now today's lesson is about giving of yourself, more importantly your wealth, to your maker and creator, Bad Boy Marcus T himself. Now I know we have talked about giving up 10% of your earnings. We talked about that last week, and the week before and we're gonna keep talking about it till yall get it right.
Sister Dragz: Oh we never get tired of that subject because the great marcus says you should store treasures in Heaven and not on earth and since he is running things up there now, he is waiting to be your personal treasure keeper till you arrive yourself. Can I get an AMEN?!
Brother Bunny: That's right. That's why there is a hole in the Ozone Layer now, because you people aint making your payments on time and Marcus has decided not to take care of the repairs that need to be done. You think them border jumping Mexicans fix shit in Heaven for free? Now some of you have been trying to skate by on 5 and 6%.
Sister Dragz: Nice try but you can not fool the great and all-knowing BBMT!
Brother Bunny: I'm gonna read off some names right now and I want you to take note when you hear your name.Tomas Luger, Justin York, Andrei Karishnikov, Aaron Christopher, JahMon, Tommy O'Malley and most definately that little Jew, Eno Redrum. I had Rob Blondie's name on hear but Sister Dragz threw a fit so I took his name off.
Sister Dragz: I love me some Rob Blondie. With his flowing hair and good looks, he could be the modern day Jesus Christ Superstar. I'll bow down and worship him any time and any place.
Brother Bunny: okay then, I think you need to repent Sister. Now back to those names I called off, you have all not contributed to the all-mighty house of Marcus so get out. I rebuke you in the name of the Heavenly Pimp Daddy!
Sister Dragz: I can feel the sin in this room tonight. It is that temptation that would make a woman sell her body for $40 a night and do anything I asked of her including strange barn yard animal tricks even though she wanted it as much as I did! Oh Marcus, pelase forgive me. I have sinned against you!
Brother Bunny: I think what Sister Dragz is trying to say is that we all have sinned!
Sister Dragz: Not like me when I am with Puh Nahnni and the Clit Clique while thinking of Rob Blondie!
Brother Bunny: Well we all aren't perverted cross-dressing freaks like you now are we? But have faith Sister Dragzilla, because for the right price the man who slapped the Devl in the face and beat God in a pissing contest will forgive you.
Sister Dragz: Really? And what is that price?
Brother Bunny: Sister Dragz, I am so glad you asked. For all of you out there, if you are in need of forgiveness from the Mighty Marcus, you can call our Forgive Sin Hotline for just $19.91 a minute. Just dial 900-223-3385. That's 900-BAD-DEVL. Just give your credit card information and you can have a direct line to one of the Heavenly Hustler's phone operators who will pass your sin on to Marcus himself and will cleanse your soul as well as your pocket book.
Sister Dragz: But what if that price is too high Brother Bunny? What if you can not afford the price of forgiveness?
Brother Bunny: have no fear Sister Dragz, because with the Mighty marcus, there is always another answer. If you think $19.91 is too much to pay to have your sins washed away, personally I think it is a basement bargin, we will gladly flip that price around for you. That's right the Lord Marcus forgives. i know because I have talked to him personally while he sits on his thrown in Heaven and is fed grapes by all the hot women that have passed from this earthly presence. I have even talked to him in tongues. That's right, that's the only way to reach BBMT himself. You gots to be able to speak Ebonics. That's why he and Kingpin never could communicate. Because Kingpin was an upity nigger and Marcus don't speak house nigger. Now you have witnessed the greatness that is marcus. You have heard his word and now it is time to pay the man. While I pass the pffering plate arond, Sister Dragz will lead us in a hymn.
Sister Dragz: I think I saw him in the ring the other day. I think I saw him when I was being gay. But when I kneeled down to praise. he screamed, "I'm not Rob Blondie," and he ran away. He ran away. Screaming, "I'm not gay." I screamed the name of sweet Marcus while he ran away. I did not have to wait for Judgement Day. . .
Brother Bunny: Wait a minute, hold on! This aint working! one dollar? What the hell is up with just one dollar in the name of the Unholy Father BBMT? No no, we tried to do it the white man's way with being all nice and singing, but now we gonna have to go gospel gansta on yall ass! Give us the money now and pay the Lord Bad Boy Marcus T.
(Brother Bunny and Sister Dragz pull out guns and hold the congregation hostage until the offering plate is overflowing with money.)
Andy Christian Hamilton: Hey, don't judge or you might be judge yourself.
SCENE FADES
Brother Bunny (Psycho Bunny): Halleluah! Greatings brothers and sisters. Welcome to the 1st Church of JENT, high atop Mt Zion just on the off ramp of the Holy Highway. My name is the Rev, Psycho, Brother Bunny.
Sister Dragz: And I'm Sister Dragzilla.
Brother Bunny: And we are gonna double team your faith today like a cheap porn film made by Tomas Luger and Justin York.
Sister Dragz: Praise the Lord Marcus.
Brother Bunny: That's right. We're gonna reach down in your soul and get you in the mood! We're gonna get you excite! We're gonna make you feel good like you knew we would!
Sister Dragz: Oh Brother Bun-bun, I'm telling you if all I had was a clock in my pants, it would be high noon right now!
Brother Bunny: Well I think you need to keep that time to yourself Sister Dragz.
Sister Dragz: I'll try, but I don't know if I can do that.
Brother Bunny: Now today's lesson is about giving of yourself, more importantly your wealth, to your maker and creator, Bad Boy Marcus T himself. Now I know we have talked about giving up 10% of your earnings. We talked about that last week, and the week before and we're gonna keep talking about it till yall get it right.
Sister Dragz: Oh we never get tired of that subject because the great marcus says you should store treasures in Heaven and not on earth and since he is running things up there now, he is waiting to be your personal treasure keeper till you arrive yourself. Can I get an AMEN?!
Brother Bunny: That's right. That's why there is a hole in the Ozone Layer now, because you people aint making your payments on time and Marcus has decided not to take care of the repairs that need to be done. You think them border jumping Mexicans fix shit in Heaven for free? Now some of you have been trying to skate by on 5 and 6%.
Sister Dragz: Nice try but you can not fool the great and all-knowing BBMT!
Brother Bunny: I'm gonna read off some names right now and I want you to take note when you hear your name.Tomas Luger, Justin York, Andrei Karishnikov, Aaron Christopher, JahMon, Tommy O'Malley and most definately that little Jew, Eno Redrum. I had Rob Blondie's name on hear but Sister Dragz threw a fit so I took his name off.
Sister Dragz: I love me some Rob Blondie. With his flowing hair and good looks, he could be the modern day Jesus Christ Superstar. I'll bow down and worship him any time and any place.
Brother Bunny: okay then, I think you need to repent Sister. Now back to those names I called off, you have all not contributed to the all-mighty house of Marcus so get out. I rebuke you in the name of the Heavenly Pimp Daddy!
Sister Dragz: I can feel the sin in this room tonight. It is that temptation that would make a woman sell her body for $40 a night and do anything I asked of her including strange barn yard animal tricks even though she wanted it as much as I did! Oh Marcus, pelase forgive me. I have sinned against you!
Brother Bunny: I think what Sister Dragz is trying to say is that we all have sinned!
Sister Dragz: Not like me when I am with Puh Nahnni and the Clit Clique while thinking of Rob Blondie!
Brother Bunny: Well we all aren't perverted cross-dressing freaks like you now are we? But have faith Sister Dragzilla, because for the right price the man who slapped the Devl in the face and beat God in a pissing contest will forgive you.
Sister Dragz: Really? And what is that price?
Brother Bunny: Sister Dragz, I am so glad you asked. For all of you out there, if you are in need of forgiveness from the Mighty Marcus, you can call our Forgive Sin Hotline for just $19.91 a minute. Just dial 900-223-3385. That's 900-BAD-DEVL. Just give your credit card information and you can have a direct line to one of the Heavenly Hustler's phone operators who will pass your sin on to Marcus himself and will cleanse your soul as well as your pocket book.
Sister Dragz: But what if that price is too high Brother Bunny? What if you can not afford the price of forgiveness?
Brother Bunny: have no fear Sister Dragz, because with the Mighty marcus, there is always another answer. If you think $19.91 is too much to pay to have your sins washed away, personally I think it is a basement bargin, we will gladly flip that price around for you. That's right the Lord Marcus forgives. i know because I have talked to him personally while he sits on his thrown in Heaven and is fed grapes by all the hot women that have passed from this earthly presence. I have even talked to him in tongues. That's right, that's the only way to reach BBMT himself. You gots to be able to speak Ebonics. That's why he and Kingpin never could communicate. Because Kingpin was an upity nigger and Marcus don't speak house nigger. Now you have witnessed the greatness that is marcus. You have heard his word and now it is time to pay the man. While I pass the pffering plate arond, Sister Dragz will lead us in a hymn.
Sister Dragz: I think I saw him in the ring the other day. I think I saw him when I was being gay. But when I kneeled down to praise. he screamed, "I'm not Rob Blondie," and he ran away. He ran away. Screaming, "I'm not gay." I screamed the name of sweet Marcus while he ran away. I did not have to wait for Judgement Day. . .
Brother Bunny: Wait a minute, hold on! This aint working! one dollar? What the hell is up with just one dollar in the name of the Unholy Father BBMT? No no, we tried to do it the white man's way with being all nice and singing, but now we gonna have to go gospel gansta on yall ass! Give us the money now and pay the Lord Bad Boy Marcus T.
(Brother Bunny and Sister Dragz pull out guns and hold the congregation hostage until the offering plate is overflowing with money.)
Andy Christian Hamilton: Hey, don't judge or you might be judge yourself.
SCENE FADES
