Post by Rob Blondie on Nov 12, 2008 15:31:08 GMT -5
Your Favorite Attraction, the new Blonde Boss, and the man that has bought elections, politicians, and governmental agencies…Rob Blondie…has received a request from the TWD office to focus on the Pay-Per-View and try to promote it through his silver tongue. It doesn’t help his objective of Kingpin’s head on a platter, but he has decided to let his subordinates to continue the search for the tallest piece of crap in the world. The camera is set up in Rob’s office and it is rolling…
YFA: So, I need to promote this big card being held by the TWD. What do I get out of it? I’m not interested in the TWD’s little title hunt, as quaint as it maybe. I’m not interested in the current TWD roster, though they could use the rub. I’m not interested in the TWD’s top angle, as the whole mystery gimmick’s been done many times before. So, I will ask again…what’s in it for me?
Rob walks to the window that shows a beautiful skyline. The camera follows.
YFA: The only thing that is in it for me is to not breach a contract. So, let’s talk about my match, shall we?
Rob pulls down an overhead projection screen. Behind him, an awkward photo of Justin York appears.
YFA: Wow…Justin York, Prince of Pricks. I maybe distracted, Justin, but I am well aware that this isn’t the TWF. If it were, it would mean more to me. As far as you being the champion of a company I ran, as I recall you never held a title in the TWF. You did hold some belts in SCORE and I do own the video library, but it was run by my ex-wife’s ex-husband. Keep up, Jussie. The small bus has already driven away. You need to jump on so it can bring you to me and I can school you on what it takes to be a player in this business…not just a young punk that drops the F bomb like it’s “the” or “a” in sentences. I use language as well, but never as a crutch. Learn to cut a promo and maybe someone will take you seriously.
Rob clicks and a photo of Tommy “Southpaw” O’Malley.
YFA: Wow, I can see why this guy is so respected. He scares me with that frightening look on his face. This guy won some tournament I don’t care about last year? Was he facing Hornswoggle and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun? I remember how goofy I was before I lost my virginity. Those were the most uncomfortable 12 years of my life. Tommy, you have shown me respect, but respect only gets you so far. Can you hold your own against people who are legitimate? I don’t mean they are serious wrestlers…I just mean that both our parents actually claim us. I do hope you do live up to the hype because not many of the other TWD guys have so far. I look forward to giving you a Peroxide Plunge, Laddy.
Rob clicks again to reveal JahMon Rastafari
YFA: Jamocha Latte is another young guy with little talent and a big mouth. I give Jussie more credit for at least truly being someone who looks like a Main Eventer. Jammi-jon, I don’t get it. Are you supposed to be the tour guide or the guy that brings the towels? I mean, the gimmick isn’t clear enough. I hope towels because I could use one or two during the match.
Rob clicks again and the next photo comes up.
YFA: Oh…AK…how have the mighty fallen? Did you really need the work that bad? Even with our heat, I would have gladly given you a job with me. I can always use a new Arm around here. I know things got bad after you left the TWF, but you are a former champion. You had knock down, drag outs with Earl Windsor and Panther. You were on top of the world…and then you do kids’ parties? Who knew that Tomas would end up being the less pathetic of the two of you? That’s pretty sad. Andrei, seriously, I have a place for you if you need a job. I don’t think you can cut it here after that, AK. I mean, a man that would put on a Barney outfit needs a job like what I can give you to get his image back. Seriously, call me…
Click
YFA: Insomnia can be a bad thing. Look what it’s done to…Insomnia. He’s become an internet dweeb who spends too much time on girlswithnubs.com. Still, he was TWF Hardcore Champion…right? That’s almost as good as being the TWF’s janitor, but you are lower on the card. Please note I never held that belt. I was too busy, you know, getting over. Hey, at least you got to hang out with the likes of Sterling “Dave Coulier” Silver and Dangerous Fortune. That’s a plus, right?
Rob is about to show a photo of Dragzilla…and then chooses not to.
YFA: Yeah…um…can’t show that with being accused of showing porn. Let’s just say he has a surprised look and a “friend” behind him…
Robs sighs.
YFA: Dragz wishes it was me, but unfortunately for him I don’t go that way…well, one time in college, but we had too much Zima and Vodka…anyway, Dragz, how is it you are still even allowed to have a career in this business? You have sexually harassed every male that fits your fancy. You aren’t a pro wrestler, you are a fetish wrestler. Go do those kinds of videos and leave us to what we do best. I know how obsessed with that hair you are, so you should fear the Peroxide Plunge.
Clicks again. Aaron Christopher appears on the screen.
YFA: Why do I always get stuck teaming with this Ass Clown? We won the TWF 6-Man Tag belts due to my skill and lost them due to his idiocy. I mean, I’ve known some stupid wrestlers in my time in the business, but this guy is at the top of the list of dumb ones. He’s had more pushes tied to more no shows than anyone in wrestling. If you want him to quit, just put him in a Main Event and sure enough he’ll disappear. Still, when he does show up, he is tough. However, he isn’t me, now is he? I simply have to dangle some Aluminum Foil and he will see it as a “pretty” and be distracted for hours. Easily beaten.
One last click.
YFA:…and, finally, we have Andy Christ. A man that, when not wrestling or cursing God, is a nanny for a wealthy white, protestant family in Newport, Rhode Island. I hear he can change a diaper in 7.5 seconds. Amazing…seriously, I have two kids and I know. You would think a man that has such a full time job wouldn’t bother becoming a wrestler or whatever else he claims to be, but this man apparently needs the money. He spends so much on his Gospel singing career…
YFA: This man is a hypocrite. He pretends to be anti-God…but he works for a good, Christian family and sings Christian music under the name of Billy Ray Rogers…what a liar! Not to mention the relationship with on Kingpin. You are the man I despise most in this match. You are the epitome of disgusting to me. You are the type of man that doesn’t deserve to live, let alone be in the ring with myself. I will tell you…right now…that you are the man I will be gunning for. If I can hurt, injure, maim, or even put you in a pine box…I will take great joy. Billy Ray, I plan on having you meet your maker this weekend. Apparently, some of you will welcome it and some of you won’t.
Rob turns off the projector. He smiles at the camera.
YFA: I hope this satisfies Brent’s itch about my being “into the product.” Now he can reign in Patrick’s chain and get off my ass. I’ll see all of you soon. Some for the last time…
End
YFA: So, I need to promote this big card being held by the TWD. What do I get out of it? I’m not interested in the TWD’s little title hunt, as quaint as it maybe. I’m not interested in the current TWD roster, though they could use the rub. I’m not interested in the TWD’s top angle, as the whole mystery gimmick’s been done many times before. So, I will ask again…what’s in it for me?
Rob walks to the window that shows a beautiful skyline. The camera follows.
YFA: The only thing that is in it for me is to not breach a contract. So, let’s talk about my match, shall we?
Rob pulls down an overhead projection screen. Behind him, an awkward photo of Justin York appears.
YFA: Wow…Justin York, Prince of Pricks. I maybe distracted, Justin, but I am well aware that this isn’t the TWF. If it were, it would mean more to me. As far as you being the champion of a company I ran, as I recall you never held a title in the TWF. You did hold some belts in SCORE and I do own the video library, but it was run by my ex-wife’s ex-husband. Keep up, Jussie. The small bus has already driven away. You need to jump on so it can bring you to me and I can school you on what it takes to be a player in this business…not just a young punk that drops the F bomb like it’s “the” or “a” in sentences. I use language as well, but never as a crutch. Learn to cut a promo and maybe someone will take you seriously.
Rob clicks and a photo of Tommy “Southpaw” O’Malley.
YFA: Wow, I can see why this guy is so respected. He scares me with that frightening look on his face. This guy won some tournament I don’t care about last year? Was he facing Hornswoggle and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun? I remember how goofy I was before I lost my virginity. Those were the most uncomfortable 12 years of my life. Tommy, you have shown me respect, but respect only gets you so far. Can you hold your own against people who are legitimate? I don’t mean they are serious wrestlers…I just mean that both our parents actually claim us. I do hope you do live up to the hype because not many of the other TWD guys have so far. I look forward to giving you a Peroxide Plunge, Laddy.
Rob clicks again to reveal JahMon Rastafari
YFA: Jamocha Latte is another young guy with little talent and a big mouth. I give Jussie more credit for at least truly being someone who looks like a Main Eventer. Jammi-jon, I don’t get it. Are you supposed to be the tour guide or the guy that brings the towels? I mean, the gimmick isn’t clear enough. I hope towels because I could use one or two during the match.
Rob clicks again and the next photo comes up.
YFA: Oh…AK…how have the mighty fallen? Did you really need the work that bad? Even with our heat, I would have gladly given you a job with me. I can always use a new Arm around here. I know things got bad after you left the TWF, but you are a former champion. You had knock down, drag outs with Earl Windsor and Panther. You were on top of the world…and then you do kids’ parties? Who knew that Tomas would end up being the less pathetic of the two of you? That’s pretty sad. Andrei, seriously, I have a place for you if you need a job. I don’t think you can cut it here after that, AK. I mean, a man that would put on a Barney outfit needs a job like what I can give you to get his image back. Seriously, call me…
Click
YFA: Insomnia can be a bad thing. Look what it’s done to…Insomnia. He’s become an internet dweeb who spends too much time on girlswithnubs.com. Still, he was TWF Hardcore Champion…right? That’s almost as good as being the TWF’s janitor, but you are lower on the card. Please note I never held that belt. I was too busy, you know, getting over. Hey, at least you got to hang out with the likes of Sterling “Dave Coulier” Silver and Dangerous Fortune. That’s a plus, right?
Rob is about to show a photo of Dragzilla…and then chooses not to.
YFA: Yeah…um…can’t show that with being accused of showing porn. Let’s just say he has a surprised look and a “friend” behind him…
Robs sighs.
YFA: Dragz wishes it was me, but unfortunately for him I don’t go that way…well, one time in college, but we had too much Zima and Vodka…anyway, Dragz, how is it you are still even allowed to have a career in this business? You have sexually harassed every male that fits your fancy. You aren’t a pro wrestler, you are a fetish wrestler. Go do those kinds of videos and leave us to what we do best. I know how obsessed with that hair you are, so you should fear the Peroxide Plunge.
Clicks again. Aaron Christopher appears on the screen.
YFA: Why do I always get stuck teaming with this Ass Clown? We won the TWF 6-Man Tag belts due to my skill and lost them due to his idiocy. I mean, I’ve known some stupid wrestlers in my time in the business, but this guy is at the top of the list of dumb ones. He’s had more pushes tied to more no shows than anyone in wrestling. If you want him to quit, just put him in a Main Event and sure enough he’ll disappear. Still, when he does show up, he is tough. However, he isn’t me, now is he? I simply have to dangle some Aluminum Foil and he will see it as a “pretty” and be distracted for hours. Easily beaten.
One last click.
YFA:…and, finally, we have Andy Christ. A man that, when not wrestling or cursing God, is a nanny for a wealthy white, protestant family in Newport, Rhode Island. I hear he can change a diaper in 7.5 seconds. Amazing…seriously, I have two kids and I know. You would think a man that has such a full time job wouldn’t bother becoming a wrestler or whatever else he claims to be, but this man apparently needs the money. He spends so much on his Gospel singing career…
YFA: This man is a hypocrite. He pretends to be anti-God…but he works for a good, Christian family and sings Christian music under the name of Billy Ray Rogers…what a liar! Not to mention the relationship with on Kingpin. You are the man I despise most in this match. You are the epitome of disgusting to me. You are the type of man that doesn’t deserve to live, let alone be in the ring with myself. I will tell you…right now…that you are the man I will be gunning for. If I can hurt, injure, maim, or even put you in a pine box…I will take great joy. Billy Ray, I plan on having you meet your maker this weekend. Apparently, some of you will welcome it and some of you won’t.
Rob turns off the projector. He smiles at the camera.
YFA: I hope this satisfies Brent’s itch about my being “into the product.” Now he can reign in Patrick’s chain and get off my ass. I’ll see all of you soon. Some for the last time…
End
