Post by icon on Jun 17, 2008 6:59:47 GMT -5
An elderly man, who looks eerily like Gordon Solie, is standing by Patrick Martin’s office door. He looks confused and a bit like someone out of place. He has an old, big, microphone and large headphones on, which adds to his confusion.
Cameraman: Mort…Mort….MORT!!!!
Mort (old man): WHAT?
Cameraman: TAKE THOSE STUPID HEADPHONES OFF!!
Mort: I’ve been wearing these things for nion 43 years, young man. Every interview from Johnny “Two Tone” Kelly to Haystacks Hannigan I’ve had this microphone and these earphones!!!
Cameraman: Yeah, but can’t hear sh-
Suddenly, a man in white mask, white tights, and a white jacket exits Patrick Martin’s office.
Mort: Well, I’ll be a son of a gun! How are you doing-
Masked Man: Mortie…don’t say my name! There’s a reason I’m wearing a hood!
Mort: Ok…ok…so, what are you calling yourself under that hood?
Masked Man: How about we do this in an interview, Mortie? That’s why I pulled you out of retirement after all!
The Cameraman gives the go sign and Mort, like he suddenly found the fountain of youth, is vibrant and alert.
Mort: Ladies and gentlemen watching TWD, I’m Morton Dempsey and I welcome you to what will surely be an eye opening interview. I have with me an unknown wrestler wearing all white, including a mask. Now, I need to ask this masked man who he is and why is he joining the ranks of The Wrestling Domain…
Masked Man: Why am I here? Old man, you are as dense as you are wrinkled! I’m here because I just got handed huge stacks of cash to be here! As for who I am, that’s none of your business! What you can call me is the ICon!
Mort: Well, ICon, what have you done to earn the so-called stacks of cash or to be called an icon?
ICon: Mort, you aren’t as Alzheimered as you act! If I told you, then everyone would know who I am, wouldn’t they? No, Patrick Martin knows and that’s enough people who need to know. Just to say that this isn’t my first rodeo, Mr. Burns.
Mort: I’ve just been informed that you are already set for the Main Event in two weeks against…
ICon: Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. Morton, I am more man than the entire TWD roster! I’ve been with more ladies than they’ve dreamt of…
Mort: Now, this is a family show, ICon, please.
ICon: If that were the case, we wouldn’t have the filth like the crossdressers, gangland bosses, or Thomas Luger in the mix….but I am all about families. I’ve helped plenty of unwed mothers get their start, Morton.
Mort: We really should speak on your opponent, Andy Christian Hamilton.
ICon: Mort, I told you already, I don’t care about Hans Christian Anderson. He’s tripped over a Main Event match with the Main Event ICon…he’ll get a good pay day for having his butt handed to him. I’ll work him over for a few minutes, drop him with the Iconic Blast, and may or may not finish him off with the White Knuckled Stretch. He can buy me a beer for going easy on him!
Mort: I really think you are underestimating Mr. Hamilton. He was placed in the main event because he has athletic prowess and skill.
ICon: Morton, your ancient eyes are fading fast…look at him, he reminds me of a young Orson Welles. Frail and a weirdo. Didn’t you go to school with Orson Welles, Morton?
Mort: Actually, he was a few grades behind me…I remember in nineteen hundred and…
ICon: Sorry, I asked. The fact is, he’s just another one of Marcus T’s loser friends…there are so many of them no wonder public assistance programs are out of control! Look, Alexander Hamilton is an Alexander Hamilton to my Raymond Burr…
Mort: You mean Aaron Burr? And Andy Christian Hamilton?
ICon: Did I say that? I said what I meant! Get your hearing aids checked! The guy is going down faster than Tammy Sytch in a Mercedes. Hopefully, the idiot won’t pathetically beg for seconds or drugs like she does. Now, I have better things to do. Get lost, Mort…instead of just looking like you are lost from the retirement home.
The ICon walks off. Morton indeed looks confused, but gains his composure.
Mort: Well, looks like we will have a real donnybrook coming up on June 28th When The ICon meets up with young Andy Christian Hamilton. I’m sure all TWD fans are looking forward to this tremendous Main Event! Now, back to the studio!
(muttering to himself) I got to go...dern prostate...
End.
Cameraman: Mort…Mort….MORT!!!!
Mort (old man): WHAT?
Cameraman: TAKE THOSE STUPID HEADPHONES OFF!!
Mort: I’ve been wearing these things for nion 43 years, young man. Every interview from Johnny “Two Tone” Kelly to Haystacks Hannigan I’ve had this microphone and these earphones!!!
Cameraman: Yeah, but can’t hear sh-
Suddenly, a man in white mask, white tights, and a white jacket exits Patrick Martin’s office.
Mort: Well, I’ll be a son of a gun! How are you doing-
Masked Man: Mortie…don’t say my name! There’s a reason I’m wearing a hood!
Mort: Ok…ok…so, what are you calling yourself under that hood?
Masked Man: How about we do this in an interview, Mortie? That’s why I pulled you out of retirement after all!
The Cameraman gives the go sign and Mort, like he suddenly found the fountain of youth, is vibrant and alert.
Mort: Ladies and gentlemen watching TWD, I’m Morton Dempsey and I welcome you to what will surely be an eye opening interview. I have with me an unknown wrestler wearing all white, including a mask. Now, I need to ask this masked man who he is and why is he joining the ranks of The Wrestling Domain…
Masked Man: Why am I here? Old man, you are as dense as you are wrinkled! I’m here because I just got handed huge stacks of cash to be here! As for who I am, that’s none of your business! What you can call me is the ICon!
Mort: Well, ICon, what have you done to earn the so-called stacks of cash or to be called an icon?
ICon: Mort, you aren’t as Alzheimered as you act! If I told you, then everyone would know who I am, wouldn’t they? No, Patrick Martin knows and that’s enough people who need to know. Just to say that this isn’t my first rodeo, Mr. Burns.
Mort: I’ve just been informed that you are already set for the Main Event in two weeks against…
ICon: Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. Morton, I am more man than the entire TWD roster! I’ve been with more ladies than they’ve dreamt of…
Mort: Now, this is a family show, ICon, please.
ICon: If that were the case, we wouldn’t have the filth like the crossdressers, gangland bosses, or Thomas Luger in the mix….but I am all about families. I’ve helped plenty of unwed mothers get their start, Morton.
Mort: We really should speak on your opponent, Andy Christian Hamilton.
ICon: Mort, I told you already, I don’t care about Hans Christian Anderson. He’s tripped over a Main Event match with the Main Event ICon…he’ll get a good pay day for having his butt handed to him. I’ll work him over for a few minutes, drop him with the Iconic Blast, and may or may not finish him off with the White Knuckled Stretch. He can buy me a beer for going easy on him!
Mort: I really think you are underestimating Mr. Hamilton. He was placed in the main event because he has athletic prowess and skill.
ICon: Morton, your ancient eyes are fading fast…look at him, he reminds me of a young Orson Welles. Frail and a weirdo. Didn’t you go to school with Orson Welles, Morton?
Mort: Actually, he was a few grades behind me…I remember in nineteen hundred and…
ICon: Sorry, I asked. The fact is, he’s just another one of Marcus T’s loser friends…there are so many of them no wonder public assistance programs are out of control! Look, Alexander Hamilton is an Alexander Hamilton to my Raymond Burr…
Mort: You mean Aaron Burr? And Andy Christian Hamilton?
ICon: Did I say that? I said what I meant! Get your hearing aids checked! The guy is going down faster than Tammy Sytch in a Mercedes. Hopefully, the idiot won’t pathetically beg for seconds or drugs like she does. Now, I have better things to do. Get lost, Mort…instead of just looking like you are lost from the retirement home.
The ICon walks off. Morton indeed looks confused, but gains his composure.
Mort: Well, looks like we will have a real donnybrook coming up on June 28th When The ICon meets up with young Andy Christian Hamilton. I’m sure all TWD fans are looking forward to this tremendous Main Event! Now, back to the studio!
(muttering to himself) I got to go...dern prostate...
End.