Post by The Wizard of Ahhhhs on Jan 16, 2009 0:24:49 GMT -5
I want to keep the Top Shelf more about this federation and not get into personal life or extracurricular stuff. I have noticed so much about TNA lately and I finally felt the need to sit down and write about it.
I'm sick of WWE, aren't you? WWE used to be watchable, but like many things, it has become stale and the few highlights of the show don't really get highlighted all that much sometimes. When they are.. you take genuinely great characters with incredible charisma and lump them into stupid angles. Jeff Hardy and his GF in a hit and run, only to be determined that it's gonna be a wrestling angle? DDP as Undertaker's wife's.. fucking stalker?!?! That one is a little old, but really.. is it any different than what you are seeing today?
Typical shit gimmicks... The Boogeyman. Come on. The fucking Boogeyman? You're telling me Vince, with all his wrestling smarts, intelligence, experience and knowledge about the business was sitting down at a meet with this guy and he goes.. the Boogeyman.. and Vince goes... mmmhmmm, I'm good with that. Heh, heh... I'm coming to get you! Oh, I like that!
*fart*
I could go on, but this is supposed to be venting about TNA. TNA is my alternative to recycled pregnancy/lost the baby because my stupid ass was at a fucking fight while I was pregnant angles. TNA doesn't fit you into the 6' 6", 250 lbs. necessary body size to be on TV. TNA is.. if you've got talent.. let's see it. Atleast, that's what it used to be about.
What's so phenominal about AJ Styles these days? That he was picked up after WCW folded and is a mainstay in TNA? What does he do in the ring that makes my eyes pop out of my head? What does he do anymore that is so captivating? Gets into an angle with Sting talking about his abusive father during his childhood. Smell the ratings. Actually.. makes me want to write a grunge song and call it Smells like E-fedding Spirit.
Joe's gonna kill you... remember that? The Samoan Submission Machine.. the undefeated BEAST of TNA that made him so popular. Does he ever do submission moves other than the rear naked choke that he barely ever uses anymore?
Velvet Sky and Angelina Love... these two are ratings for TNA and if you pay attention to the ratings outputs that sites like LoP report, then they'll all tell you week after week that they have the highest rated segments on the show. Why? Velvet Sky is the most desired female in the federation, bar none. Ever watch that tight little booty of hers shake when she gets into the ring? How do you not think.. fuck me running, I'd ram it so hard up her that it'd split her in half?
So what's up with her and Angelina Love running around with a mock Sarah Palin and then FINALLY finding out that she's not the governor? OR!!!!!!! That Palin's party didn't even win the election? These segments were not funny or entertaining in the slightest bit. What purpose does it serve? How does this attract people to the federation? IT DOESNT... AT... ALL.
Speaking of attraction... how about Roxxi Leveaux? Could she look more like a fucking dyke?
Seriously... look at her progression, I mean degression. Pre-TNA, Enter-TNA, Current-TNA.
This is great if TNA is looking to tap into that tattered blue jeans, black boots, sleeveless flannel wearing, man-hating lesbian demographic. Personally, I've been waiting for SOMEONE to finally give them some eye candy.
*burp in your face after I gargle bong water*
Awesome Kong is the new Andre the Giant that no one can beat. There isn't going to be a new female Hulk Hogan anytime soon. Bad investment if you ask me. Can't wait for the youtube clip of Taylor Wilde trying to bodyslam her, but her back snaps in half ala Sid Viscious ankle snap. Tell me you wouldn't watch that one over and over and send the link to your friends.
You expect me to believe that Christy Hemme isn't a Diva? Spend all the time you want training with AJ Styles. I'll still watch you wrestle Awesome Kong every single time and be like... what the fuck ever.
Speaking of what the fuck ever... Matt Morgan? He might have the body that you can make a blueprint out of for other wrestlers, but he doesn't have the ability to do shit in or out of the ring. His matches are horrid and pathetic to watch. TNA conjures his makeshift tag team of him and Abyss that went nowhere instantly. The only other thing that makes nothing instantly is powdered water. Add 8 oz of water to get 8 oz of water, stir.
I think the Main Event Mafia was a fantastic idea! I liked it better the first time when they weren't all world champions and it was called the nWo. However... taking it to the level they did.. with an all world champion stable... Good Idea. Thumbs up. Here's the problem. They might be the greatest collection of world champions ever assembled... but Nash and Steiner can't wrestle anymore.
That's a serious issue, but hey.. we'll just keep them away from the ring and keep them from being exposed. Well... atleast that should have been the idea.. but THEY are wrestling and Booker T/Sting are sitting the sidelines, WHILE HOLDING TITLES. Booker T's matches are all basically the same, but he has charisma and that makes him fairly entertaining and watchable. What's the point of him carrying around a title that he isn't defending though? That belt means NOTHING to that federation, since the only two contests he's had for them have been against Christian (bye bye to WWE) and Eric Young.
Kurt Angle is a fit leader. He's not the only one with mic skills though. If Nash can't wrestle, let him talk. Nevermind, just hang them up man. Main Event Mafia minus one.
Steiner's days on the mic are over. He isn't the same without Buff Bagwell at his side. Hell, his days are over. Main Event Mafia.. minus two.
Sting can work the mic, but he's just in the background of this group. TNA is finally starting to work that spot, where the other superstars are beginning to take notice of that. Good Idea, now don't fuck it up.
Speaking of Sting and Angle.. how about their upcoming opponents? Brother Ray and Devon Dudley.. in singles competition. You tell me who is going to tune in to see foregone conclusions? Devon Dudley is no singles wrestler. I watched his matches while Brother Ray was away. Brother Ray as the TNA World Champion? About as good of an idea as trying to sell Rhyno as a credible contender.. or putting him on the mic.... or having Don West talk at all.
Guys like Jim Ross and Joey Styles were great commentators. They knew what needed to be accentuated and what needed to just be told. Speaking of commentators... remember how nerdy Mike Tenay used to be in WCW? He knew the name of EVERY MOVE ever executed and he'd just throw them in there whenever Schiavone wasn't speaking. What the hell happened to him since then? Did he have a brain fart that he never recovered from? He doesn't know a backslide from a back suplex anymore. Everything is just.. AND HE POWERS HIM DOWN WITH THE SLAM! Don West is worse.
Don West: And Rhyno ends it with the Gore, Gore, Gore.
Shut the hell up. Seriously. Just shut the hell up. You OVERSELL everything that doesn't need to be sold. You know the names of ZERO moves. I hear Paul Heyman is unemployed and blogging. Maybe TNA could splurge on his skills? I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that he'd make the show twice as entertaining as a color guy.
Newcomer Brutus Magnus. I'll throw $100 down with anyone here that he will suck in the ring, will botch moves left and right, have shitty mic skills and will never get over. Listen to these credentials from the TNA website.
Nick Aldis, who has been a professional wrestler since the age of 16, joined Sky 1’s ‘Gladiators’ as opponent ‘Oblivion’ last year. He has played football to county level with trials for Norwich City, participated in the national swimming championships and played tennis in the national ladder.
'Nuff said. He'd be better off as a base for cheerleaders.
Lastly, I need to finish up with Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle. I couldn't properly tie this in to my earlier rants about Angle, so since it's such a focal point of the federation, I'll save it for MY main event. Jeff Jarrett came out and stood behind TNA when he came back from his 2 year hiatus. Remember how great that whole episode was? We even had a thread about it here. He stood up against Sting and Angle and had the backs of the Frontline, before they were the Frontline. How come NONE of those guys have his back when he's fighting Angle? How come Angle NEEDS to go as far as talking about Jeff's daughters OVER AND OVER again, to get across the heat between those two? How come we need to constantly see that video from Jarrett... I founded TNA... it was a success.. the success became a phenomenon... blah blah.
Jeff Jarrett's balls dropped off. He went from being the most hated guy in TNA because he just wouldn't quit being an asshole, to a straight up pussy. How does he just let Angle walk all over him and talk down to him like that time after time. If he would've bucked up and just been a man about someone stepping to him, after he disrespected Angle as bad as he did... then I think people would've been more excited to see their two matches.
Instead.. we are force fed this "evil" Kurt Angle.. Jeff.. better tell your daughters that they aren't going to have a Daddy anymore. Jesus... where did your ability to entertain go? The 3 "I's"? Anyone remember? Anyone? It's one thing to have a big ego, like the Main Event Mafia has... but maybe a brainstorming session would really help these promos sound better and not so.. stupid and over the top.
TNA... I SOOOOO VERY MUCH want to like you. I'm just having a hard time wondering why you are taking up space on my DVR each week.
I'm sick of WWE, aren't you? WWE used to be watchable, but like many things, it has become stale and the few highlights of the show don't really get highlighted all that much sometimes. When they are.. you take genuinely great characters with incredible charisma and lump them into stupid angles. Jeff Hardy and his GF in a hit and run, only to be determined that it's gonna be a wrestling angle? DDP as Undertaker's wife's.. fucking stalker?!?! That one is a little old, but really.. is it any different than what you are seeing today?
Typical shit gimmicks... The Boogeyman. Come on. The fucking Boogeyman? You're telling me Vince, with all his wrestling smarts, intelligence, experience and knowledge about the business was sitting down at a meet with this guy and he goes.. the Boogeyman.. and Vince goes... mmmhmmm, I'm good with that. Heh, heh... I'm coming to get you! Oh, I like that!
*fart*
I could go on, but this is supposed to be venting about TNA. TNA is my alternative to recycled pregnancy/lost the baby because my stupid ass was at a fucking fight while I was pregnant angles. TNA doesn't fit you into the 6' 6", 250 lbs. necessary body size to be on TV. TNA is.. if you've got talent.. let's see it. Atleast, that's what it used to be about.
What's so phenominal about AJ Styles these days? That he was picked up after WCW folded and is a mainstay in TNA? What does he do in the ring that makes my eyes pop out of my head? What does he do anymore that is so captivating? Gets into an angle with Sting talking about his abusive father during his childhood. Smell the ratings. Actually.. makes me want to write a grunge song and call it Smells like E-fedding Spirit.
Joe's gonna kill you... remember that? The Samoan Submission Machine.. the undefeated BEAST of TNA that made him so popular. Does he ever do submission moves other than the rear naked choke that he barely ever uses anymore?
Velvet Sky and Angelina Love... these two are ratings for TNA and if you pay attention to the ratings outputs that sites like LoP report, then they'll all tell you week after week that they have the highest rated segments on the show. Why? Velvet Sky is the most desired female in the federation, bar none. Ever watch that tight little booty of hers shake when she gets into the ring? How do you not think.. fuck me running, I'd ram it so hard up her that it'd split her in half?
So what's up with her and Angelina Love running around with a mock Sarah Palin and then FINALLY finding out that she's not the governor? OR!!!!!!! That Palin's party didn't even win the election? These segments were not funny or entertaining in the slightest bit. What purpose does it serve? How does this attract people to the federation? IT DOESNT... AT... ALL.
Speaking of attraction... how about Roxxi Leveaux? Could she look more like a fucking dyke?
Seriously... look at her progression, I mean degression. Pre-TNA, Enter-TNA, Current-TNA.
This is great if TNA is looking to tap into that tattered blue jeans, black boots, sleeveless flannel wearing, man-hating lesbian demographic. Personally, I've been waiting for SOMEONE to finally give them some eye candy.
*burp in your face after I gargle bong water*
Awesome Kong is the new Andre the Giant that no one can beat. There isn't going to be a new female Hulk Hogan anytime soon. Bad investment if you ask me. Can't wait for the youtube clip of Taylor Wilde trying to bodyslam her, but her back snaps in half ala Sid Viscious ankle snap. Tell me you wouldn't watch that one over and over and send the link to your friends.
You expect me to believe that Christy Hemme isn't a Diva? Spend all the time you want training with AJ Styles. I'll still watch you wrestle Awesome Kong every single time and be like... what the fuck ever.
Speaking of what the fuck ever... Matt Morgan? He might have the body that you can make a blueprint out of for other wrestlers, but he doesn't have the ability to do shit in or out of the ring. His matches are horrid and pathetic to watch. TNA conjures his makeshift tag team of him and Abyss that went nowhere instantly. The only other thing that makes nothing instantly is powdered water. Add 8 oz of water to get 8 oz of water, stir.
I think the Main Event Mafia was a fantastic idea! I liked it better the first time when they weren't all world champions and it was called the nWo. However... taking it to the level they did.. with an all world champion stable... Good Idea. Thumbs up. Here's the problem. They might be the greatest collection of world champions ever assembled... but Nash and Steiner can't wrestle anymore.
That's a serious issue, but hey.. we'll just keep them away from the ring and keep them from being exposed. Well... atleast that should have been the idea.. but THEY are wrestling and Booker T/Sting are sitting the sidelines, WHILE HOLDING TITLES. Booker T's matches are all basically the same, but he has charisma and that makes him fairly entertaining and watchable. What's the point of him carrying around a title that he isn't defending though? That belt means NOTHING to that federation, since the only two contests he's had for them have been against Christian (bye bye to WWE) and Eric Young.
Kurt Angle is a fit leader. He's not the only one with mic skills though. If Nash can't wrestle, let him talk. Nevermind, just hang them up man. Main Event Mafia minus one.
Steiner's days on the mic are over. He isn't the same without Buff Bagwell at his side. Hell, his days are over. Main Event Mafia.. minus two.
Sting can work the mic, but he's just in the background of this group. TNA is finally starting to work that spot, where the other superstars are beginning to take notice of that. Good Idea, now don't fuck it up.
Speaking of Sting and Angle.. how about their upcoming opponents? Brother Ray and Devon Dudley.. in singles competition. You tell me who is going to tune in to see foregone conclusions? Devon Dudley is no singles wrestler. I watched his matches while Brother Ray was away. Brother Ray as the TNA World Champion? About as good of an idea as trying to sell Rhyno as a credible contender.. or putting him on the mic.... or having Don West talk at all.
Guys like Jim Ross and Joey Styles were great commentators. They knew what needed to be accentuated and what needed to just be told. Speaking of commentators... remember how nerdy Mike Tenay used to be in WCW? He knew the name of EVERY MOVE ever executed and he'd just throw them in there whenever Schiavone wasn't speaking. What the hell happened to him since then? Did he have a brain fart that he never recovered from? He doesn't know a backslide from a back suplex anymore. Everything is just.. AND HE POWERS HIM DOWN WITH THE SLAM! Don West is worse.
Don West: And Rhyno ends it with the Gore, Gore, Gore.
Shut the hell up. Seriously. Just shut the hell up. You OVERSELL everything that doesn't need to be sold. You know the names of ZERO moves. I hear Paul Heyman is unemployed and blogging. Maybe TNA could splurge on his skills? I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that he'd make the show twice as entertaining as a color guy.
Newcomer Brutus Magnus. I'll throw $100 down with anyone here that he will suck in the ring, will botch moves left and right, have shitty mic skills and will never get over. Listen to these credentials from the TNA website.
Nick Aldis, who has been a professional wrestler since the age of 16, joined Sky 1’s ‘Gladiators’ as opponent ‘Oblivion’ last year. He has played football to county level with trials for Norwich City, participated in the national swimming championships and played tennis in the national ladder.
'Nuff said. He'd be better off as a base for cheerleaders.
Lastly, I need to finish up with Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle. I couldn't properly tie this in to my earlier rants about Angle, so since it's such a focal point of the federation, I'll save it for MY main event. Jeff Jarrett came out and stood behind TNA when he came back from his 2 year hiatus. Remember how great that whole episode was? We even had a thread about it here. He stood up against Sting and Angle and had the backs of the Frontline, before they were the Frontline. How come NONE of those guys have his back when he's fighting Angle? How come Angle NEEDS to go as far as talking about Jeff's daughters OVER AND OVER again, to get across the heat between those two? How come we need to constantly see that video from Jarrett... I founded TNA... it was a success.. the success became a phenomenon... blah blah.
Jeff Jarrett's balls dropped off. He went from being the most hated guy in TNA because he just wouldn't quit being an asshole, to a straight up pussy. How does he just let Angle walk all over him and talk down to him like that time after time. If he would've bucked up and just been a man about someone stepping to him, after he disrespected Angle as bad as he did... then I think people would've been more excited to see their two matches.
Instead.. we are force fed this "evil" Kurt Angle.. Jeff.. better tell your daughters that they aren't going to have a Daddy anymore. Jesus... where did your ability to entertain go? The 3 "I's"? Anyone remember? Anyone? It's one thing to have a big ego, like the Main Event Mafia has... but maybe a brainstorming session would really help these promos sound better and not so.. stupid and over the top.
TNA... I SOOOOO VERY MUCH want to like you. I'm just having a hard time wondering why you are taking up space on my DVR each week.